All He Had To Do

I was born and raised on an island in the Atlantic ocean. I joined the Army to get off the island because there’s not much for a girl to do there. I ended up in Georgia, a far inferior spot, but I had a job to do so I set out to make the most of it but I always felt like an outsider. I met a boy in a bar and he was interesting although undisciplined. We talked in the parking lot for about an hour. He told me about a book he'd just read and that he liked baseball and missed his mom and that he wished he had some pot. I overlooked his flaws and fell for him. I told him that I liked him at a party our Sergeant was throwing in honor of some stupid holiday celebrating the exploitation of indigenous people throughout the world. He told me that he liked me too but that he couldn’t go out with me because I am black. He kind of laughed and said that he deserved credit for being honest. I was stunned although maybe I shouldn’t have been. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would be bothered by something as insignificant as the color of my skin. I told him to go to hell. He said that he was in hell right now this party sucks and that was kind of funny and true but I wasn’t in the mood to laugh. He told me he would see me around. I hope not, I said and caught a ride to the barracks. He ate lunch at my table in the mess hall the next afternoon and told me that he wasn’t exactly honest with me yesterday. How so? I asked. It’s not that you're black that keeps me from going out with you it’s that I’m in love with someone. Who? I asked. It doesn’t matter, he said. Yes it does, I said. But he wouldn’t tell me, and that made me hate him. You’re a coward, I said and left him eating his hamburger. I went to my room and laid down. He knocked on my door. What do you want? I asked. Maybe we should give it a try, he said. Why? I asked. Because you like me and I like you, he said. I don’t like you anymore, I said. Now who’s not being honest, he said and smiled. He had a nice smile. I am honest and I’m not racist, I said. I guess I deserved that, he said, and left me laying on my bed feeling pretty bad about everything. A couple months later I borrowed a car and we went out to dinner. When we got back to the barracks I went to bed and he got in trouble for beating up a guy that narked on a friend of his and I never forgave his stupidity. Maybe I would have had he not messed with me. Anyway the last time I saw him it was raining and he said we should get married. I laughed and walked away. He looked sad like he didn’t know where to go. I didn’t care for a lot of reasons and I had a boyfriend by then who was really no better but I’d made my choice and so had he.