God Bless

On the corner of Nineteenth Avenue and Indian School
I watched a whore flip a cigarette into oncoming traffic.
A silver SUV jumped the curb
ran over a bum holding a God Bless You sign.
I watched it happen
while I gassed up my cab
at three thirty AM.
It was tragic
and kind of funny at the same time.
More tragic
than funny
but watching the whore run down the ally
made me laugh.
I have to admit.
The police showed up,
the driver of the SUV looked scared
and kept pointing in the direction
the whore ran.
An ambulance loaded the bum and took off.
Another whore walked up to me and said whew.
I agreed.
Do you want some company? She asked.

Chasing Ghosts Through the Biggest One Horse Town in the World

She was wearing a fur coat
Her tits were almost falling out of her shirt
I thought about asking her if she was cold
The guy she was traveling with handed me a five for a four ninety five ride
She looked at him like is that all you have
He told her he needed some ones
She told me to give her the five gave me a twenty
Asked for a ten
When she got out of the cab I noticed she had a great ass

Acorns

We lived together a long time ago
Not under the same roof
We shared a hill creeks and woods and ponds and corn fields
Climbed trees rode bikes and sleds
Played kick the can capture the flag football and baseball and basketball
In each others yards and vacant lots
We all dreamed of glory none of us achieved
Nothing lasts or stays the same
Everyone goes their own way I went all the way to Arizona
The years run together
Gone before we knew it
I almost forgot Most of what happened
Everything mattered whether it did or not
The games we played defined us The friends we made were meaningless
No matter how much we needed them
They were replaceable
Not missed much
Barely remembered except the betrayals
The dogs the paths the forts Coffee cans full of acorns to throw

War Movies

I was making lists in my head

five best war movies

Black Hawk Down
We Were Soilders
Apocalypse Now
Platoon
Gardens of Stone

and that made me remember watching Apocalypse Now
with my buddies
at Waddle's house
he called himself Daddy D
he fancied himself a drill Sargeant
even though he was a mediorce soilder
he almost broke his leg trying to make a standing landing
when we hitched a ride on a special forces airplane
that was pretty funny
I wonder what he's up to
his wife was pretty and stupid
he dumped her
I bet he's married to a pig now
and supports Donald Trump
who is inching his way twoards the presidency
and that is as scary as it seems somehow inevitable

I hate it when people miss use words like Nazi
and protest stuff before they happen
however Trump does have more in coman with Hitler
than the presidents in the Black Hills

I love the Black Hills
I want to take my daughter up there this summer
and also to Wounded Knee
and Little Bighorn
I hear there's ghosts there and that you can almost here them
in the wind

Car Accident

One of the first friends I made in Arizona died in a car crash on a Friday night in the spring of 1977. His name was Pat and we shared a table in art class with a cheerful chubby Mexican kid. School was almost out for the summer and I thought that made it slightly more tragic. I remember sitting at the table on Monday morning and asking the Mexican kid (I don't remember his name) Where's Pat? He said, he died. I couldn't believe that so I probably said something stupid like are you sure? Miss Brown are teacher was crying. Pat was a nice kid and a fair artist so she had kind of taken him under her wing. How did he die? I came around to asking and the Mexican kid told me that it was a car accident. The car flipped, he said Pat was in the passenger seat and he was the only one that even got hurt, he added and sighed. Fuck, I said, were they drunk? I asked. He shrugged. It don't matter anyway, I said. Miss Brown came to our table and asked if we were alright. We said that we were although the Mexican kid said, don't expect much out of me today. She was a mess and I should have asked if she was OK. I didn't know Pat that well. I moved to Arizona in the middle of the school year so I hadn't known him long either. He liked getting high and drawing dragons. He loved rock and roll music. He had long blond hair. He was skinny. He made people feel comfortable. Kids shouldn't die when they are in high school. Art class for the rest of the year was pretty somber and that was inevitable. I haven't thought about this in over thirty years. If I hadn't thought about it tonight I wonder if I ever would have thought about it again. .

Loosley Tight

I drove past my old high school tonight and that made me think about the band Loosely Tight and to tell the truth I don't remember much about them but Loosely Tight is a great name for a rock and roll band and the next thing I know I'm standing in the desert with a plastic cup of beer listening to Toto wishing the pretty girls knew my name and all of a sudden I'm in the army before I know it I'm at the river with a plastic cup of beer listening to Night Ranger wondering how the hell I ended up standing here with a bunch of asshole Paratroopers yelling at civilians and than I'm standing in a bar nursing a bottle of beer listening to a bar band play Free Bird and thinking why do all the girls fall for this shit and why don't I play the guitar or at least the fucking piano and all of a sudden I'm standing on the side of a highway smoking a joint with my buddy Pete with my thumb out hoping I will get a ride before it gets dark because once it gets dark you ain't getting a ride and it's getting cold and it looks like it might rain and we are at least three rides from home and than I'm in an apartment high as a F 16 listening to Bob Dylan thinking this isn't so bad for the time being and all of a sudden I'm looking for a dead end job to replace the dead end job I lost in my sleep and than I'm sitting in a bar talking to a girl that isn't listening and all of a sudden I'm driving past my high school thinking about Loosely Tight again

Pretty Elegant Song

In the tropics it's to humid
In the desert it's to hot
In the the arctic you freeze your toes off
In the Middle East you can get popped
I would follow you any of those places
Just to hear you smile
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough
I chased you across the ocean
Because you're the only one I can trust
I found you in a bar on the border
Staying on step ahead of the cops
You said slow down and have a drink with me
We proceed to have twelve for good luck
I couldn't walk to straight that night
But you taught me how to make love
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to here enough
You're like an island in the ocean
Where nothing ever goes wrong
You're like a star in the galaxy
The brightest I ever saw
Like Boots of Spanish Leather
And Leave a Tender Moment alone
When I look in your eyes
I hear all my favorite songs
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough

Is This Honolulu

I should have left this town a long time ago
I've been hanging around here far to long
I should have rode that ride all the way to Phoenix
I should have rode that ride all the way home
Are you a girl
Or is this an illusion
Am I in the desert
Or is this Honolulu
Am I drinking water
Or is this Whiskey
Did I ride a horse here
Or did I drive a car
I've spent many a night drinking in lonely bars
Looking for the answer to the question that is love
I thought that I found her at least a couple times
But I couldn't drag that stake out of my heart
Her eyes are as bright as the North Star
Her teeth are straighter than one hundred miles of train track
Her hairs as yellow as the sunshine
When she laughs she looks kind of like Sissy Spacek

I remember

I remember you
You're the girl I met In Phoenix City
I was playin' cards
In a hotel bar
You slid by
Whispered in my ear
It ain't rocket science
Soldier boy
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
You're the girl I met
Down in Baton Rouge
I was on shore leave
Drinking to forget
You waltzed in
And lit my cigarette
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
Your the girl I met In New York City
You were dating
I was contemplating
We both looked like
We'd have rather been
Anywhere but there
That night
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you

Water Under the Bridge (first try)

Jack banged on my door. He had half a six pack, said he was broke and shouldn't have bought the beer because rent was due and he was a hundred short. That sucks, I said.
Do you have any money you could spot me? he asked.
Not really, I said.
He tossed me a beer. Teri is fucking Rick, he said.
How do you know that? I asked.
I saw them last night.
Are you sure?
Of coarse I'm sure. I kicked her ass this morning for it.
You shouldn't have done that.
Why not? She's a whore.
She's not a whore.
I think I know my wife better than you do. She's a whore, he said and threw an empty beer can in my trash. Can you at least replenish my beer stash?
I found two dollars in change and we went to the day room and bought four cans of Colt 45 out of the beer machine. You up for a ride? he asked.
Where?
To my house I think Rick is there right now. I want to catch them in the act.
What good will that do? What are you going to do if you're right?
I don't know, come on, let's go.
Jack drove past his house and parked about a quarter mile up the street. I'm going to the back you check the front and left side, Jack said.
You want me to look in the window and spy on them?
Yeah how else are we going to know what's going on.
I ain't doing that, I'll wait in the car.
Suit yourself.
What are you going to do if they are in there doing what you think they're doing?
I don't know.
If you barge in there Rick will kick Your ass.
Says you.
You don't want to fight Rick.
You don't know what I want to do.
That was true. I walked back to the car and waited. He returned about fifteen minutes latter and took me back to the barracks.

I'm not sure how or why Jack and I became friends. I was already semi infatuated with Teri who I met at a party. I saw her across the room. I was pretty high and drunk. I sat down beside her, asked how she knew all these asshole's and pointed in a circle. I'm married to Jack, she said.
Who's Jack? I asked.
She pointed at a guy I didn't know. Does he work at the shed? I asked. She nodded. He's a lucky SOB, I said. She laughed. A couple weeks before Jack showed up at my door, Rick, Teri, Joe and I were drinking at the house Jack and Teri were renting. She told me that she wasn't happy and that they were broke since Mike was kicked out of the Army for failing a piss test and that she wanted to go home to Michigan. They were raising two kids, Jack found a dead end job and was trying to make enough money to get them home. Your the only one I can talk to, she said to me. I thought that I was starting to make the impression I'd been trying so hard to make. So when Jack told me about Rick and her it threw me for a loop.

Rick knocked on my door and yelled I can smell that shit. I opened the door and quickly ushered him in my room.
You can smell that in the latrine and all the way down the hall.
We finished the bowl I was smoking. I loaded another. You are going to get busted if you keep smoking in here, Rick said.
Yeah probably, I agreed. It doesn't help when you stand in the hall yelling that you can smell it.
Nobodies here, everyone went to the river.
Why aren't you there?
I just got back I have to pick up a keg for Jacks party.
Can I catch a ride?
Do you have a costume?
Why would I?
It's a Halloween party I'm not taking you if you don't have one.
I'll figure something out.
I'm leaving in thirty minutes.
I found a leather suit jacket and a hat. A half hour latter Rick walked into my room wearing a baseball jersey and a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap.
What kind of costume is that? Rick asked.
I'm Mike Hammer, I said.
Who the hell is Mike Hammer?
He's a fictional private detective.
I'm Pete Rose.
Yeah, you look just like him.
You couldn't do any better than a private detective nobodies ever heard of?
I can be one you heard of if it makes you happier.
That's not the point.
You should rub some dirt on your jersey if you want to be more authentic.
What?
Forget it let's get out of here.
Do you have any change I need a beer for the road? Rick asked.
I gave it all to Brown this morning.
Brown is an asshole. I almost killed him at the river.
What did he do?
The same shit he always does.
Hey were you with Jack the other night?
Why do you ask?
Because he thinks Teri and I have something going and Teri says he was spying on her.
I was with him but I stayed in the car while he snooped around. Do you and Teri have anything going.
Not anymore. She's crazy.
Rick and I were the first people to arrive at the party. I saw Teri in the kitchen through a window while I helped Rick set up the keg in the backyard. She was wearing an Indian costume. When she saw me she waved, ran outside and kissed me. I have to talk to you latter, she said. I'll be here. I have to do something, she said and walked away. Jack walked up in a Dracula costume. I poured him a beer. How's it going? I asked. He laughed, shit, he said and walked in the house with Rick. I lit a cigarette and stood out there by myself until Brown and Hayden showed up. Brown had a cowboy hat and a squirt gun in his belt. Hayden was wearing his Army fatigues. I'm GI Joe, he said.
Brown laughed and said, it's funny cause his name is Joe.
We're pretty drunk, Hayden said.
We were at the river all day, Brown said.
Where is everyone? Hayden asked.
I'm not sure, I said.
This party blows, Brown said.
Who are you supposed to be? I asked.
John Wayne, Brown said.
I found a whiskey bottle under the sink and sat on the couch. Teri sat down next to me. I handed her the bottle, I owe you a bottle of whiskey, I said. Finally I get to talk to you, she said and took a pull of whiskey. Are you having fun? She asked. I laughed. I'm not either, she said. Let's take a ride. We drove to the river. I lit a cigarette. Can I have a puff, she asked. I handed her my cigarette and found a rock for her to sit on. Jack told me you were with him the night he spied on me and Rick.
I stayed in the car, I said, picked up a rock, threw it at a tree and missed.
He wants me to think he's going to kill me. I don't think he will. This cigarette taste so good, she said and handed it back to me.
Why does he want you to think that?
Cause he's crazy.
I don't think he's crazy. I think he's mad at the world.
He's mad alright.
I don't get it.
What don't you get?
He has everything. He has you. He has two cool kids. If I had you I would be happy.
She laughed. It not that simple CJ.
Yeah it is, I said, picked up a rock, hit the tree. Are you cold?
A little.
I gave her my jacket.
Now you will be cold.
I'm a paratrooper. Paratroopers are tough or supposed to be anyway.
Why don't you act like your friends?
I don't know. Maybe I should.
No you shouldn't. They're putting on an act.
I am too. It's just a different act.
It's a better one.
Maybe.
It is CJ.
I haven't seen Jack much tonight.
He and Rick bought some coke and they're holed up in the kids bedroom. They're in love. They aren't queer but they might as well be.
Is that why you hooked up with Rick?
Probably.
Was it worth it?
Of course it wasn't.
I found a nice sized rock and put it next to Teri and sat down.
Are you disappointed in me? She asked.
I was. No, I said. I get it.
Do you want to kiss me?
Since the day I met you.
It took me awhile to get here.
When we returned to the house almost everyone was gone. Rick and Jack were standing outside. Where did you two go? Jack asked.
CJ wanted some whiskey, Teri said.
There's a bottle under the sink, Jack said.
I found that and drank it with Brown and Hayden, I said. I wanted to replace it.
I handed Jack a bottle of Jack Daniels. He opened it and took a hit and handed it to Rick. It took you long enough, Jack said. Rick offered me the bottle I declined. I went inside the house and into the kids room. Rick was pretty high, I figured he wasn't ready to leave so I thought I'd lay down for awhile. You were gone an hour and a half, Jack yelled.
And where have you been all night? Teri asked.
You know full well where I was and it's none of your business.
I listened to Jack and Teri fight until they stopped and almost fell asleep. Teri entered the room. She was crying. Are you alright? I asked. She kind of laughed. No, she said.
It will be alright, I said. I didn't believe it.
No it won't and you know it won't. I would like to lay on the bed with you.
That's not a good idea.
Who cares. Why isn't it a good idea?
You know why it isn't.
CJ I'm leaving in five minutes, Rick yelled.
Don't leave, Teri said.
I have to.
You can sleep here. Jack or I can give you a ride in the morning.
Are you going to be alright?
What do you mean?
Are you safe here with Jack.
Do you care?
Of coarse I care.
Than why are you leaving?
That was reasonable question.

I had guard duty a couple nights after the party and had the next day off. I hitch hiked to Jack and Teri's house. I knew that Jack would be at work and the kids would be at school. She wasn't home. I sat on the porch and waited for a couple hours. When she drove up I walked to the car, she smiled, and laughed. I had a feeling you would be here, she said.
How could you know that? I asked and helped her bring in some groceries. She put the groceries away. We went to bed. I noticed she had a scar on her side. I asked her about the scar. She seemed kind of offended. They are stretch marks she said and placed me inside her. I never wanted to be outside of her again. Teri had to pick up her kids. I smoked a joint in the backyard. I finished the joint and lit a cigarette. Jack showed up, what are you doing here? He asked.
I had the day off and I'm off for the rest of the week and I didn't want to hang out at the barracks all weekend, I said.
I'm glade you're here, I'm getting some acid tonight. Do you want me to pick you up a tab? Mike asked.
I'll take one.
Can you front me some cash? I need it to score the acid.
Good thing I am here, I said. Jack laughed, can I have a cigarette.
How much cash you need?
Thirty. I handed him a cigarette and two twenties.

Jack and I were sitting on his porch tripping and smoking. Teri was making pancakes. I was staring at a house surrounded by trees. The house looked like a painting I could walk into and disappear and that was tempting. That house across the street looks like a painting I could walk into and become a part of, I'm considering it,I said.
That's dangerous, Jack said. That's how you get in trouble, he added.
I'm already in trouble, I said or thought. Teri opened the door and told us the pancakes were ready. Her two kids were sitting in the kitchen eating. I'm not hungry, I said and went into the backyard. Two cats were roaming around, they turned into tigers although I knew they were just cats. I laid on the grass, one of the cats growled. Teri appeared and laid down beside me. Those cats look like tigers, I said.
They do not, Teri said and laughed.
Where's Jack? I asked.
Putting the kids to bed.
Did you hear that?
I heard something, she said.

Teri and I were folding clothes in a laundromat. She was going to drop me off at the base on her way home. It felt like the end of something. I put the clothes in the back seat of her car. It was raining. She got in the car, handed me a piece of paper. It was something she ripped out of a magazine. I thought of you when I read it, she said. It was something Tennessee Williams wrote. I read it. That's pretty good, I said, folded it and put it in my wallet. I carried it around for years.

Jack and I took his son Melvin to a creek after we watched the Ohio State Michigan game. Melvin was wadding, we were standing under a bridge watching him and smoking. He asked if I was sleeping with Teri. I told him I wasn't. He said, every one thinks I'm a fool. They say you and Teri are having an affair.
You're not a fool, I said. I guess he believed me.

Jackson banged on my door and told me a girl was waiting for me at the CQ desk. She's good looking, he said. Teri and I took a walk in the woods. I can't stay long, she said. A deer crossed the path we were walking. The deer stopped and stared at us for a few seconds and ran away. We're leaving Saturday morning, Teri said. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Don't you have anything to say? Teri asked.
I wonder where that deer is going, I said. It better be careful around here.
Are you OK? Teri asked.
I'm great, I said. We both knew I wasn't. I lit a cigarette and handed it to Teri. She took a drag and gave it back.
I have to go home, she said. We made a U turn. Jacks having a party on Friday night, Teri said. I was trying to maintain my bearings. I had to find true north. Will you come? Teri asked.
It will be my last chance to see you. I have no choice.
We walked in silence for a long time. I don't know what she was thinking about. I thought about the deer, the river, a tree in her backyard, Jack taking her home to Ohio. There wasn't anything I could do about it and whether I really wanted to was beside the point.
Say something CJ.
There is nothing to say that wouldn't make me sound pathetic.
We arrived at her car. She kissed me and drove away. I watched her car disappear and went to my room. I had nowhere to go or anything to do.

Jack handed me a bottle of whiskey. I took a slug and gave it back. We were in his backyard. I lit a cigarette and gave Jack one. What are you going to do when you get to Michigan? I asked.
Stay with Teri's brother until I find a job and a place to stay we can afford. Teri is so mad at me about this Army debacle. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. It's all my fault.
She will forgive you, I bet.
Jack handed me the bottle. You really think so? he asked.
It's in her best interests to forgive you. She needs you.
You really think so?
I do.
I hope your right cause I need her more than I ever even knew.
I always knew you needed her, I said took a swig of whiskey, tossed my cigarette and walked into the house. Where you going? Jack yelled.
I don't know, I said, Jack couldn't hear. Where's Jack? Rick asked.
In the backyard.
Teri's looking for you, Rick said.
I found her in the driveway saying goodbye to Ian and Tracy. We're out of beer, she said I'm going to get some. Come with me. After I purchased the beer we sat in the car. I asked her for a picture. She handed me a picture of her standing under a tree in a blue dress, she pulled out of her wallet. It's the only one I have, she said. I stared at the picture.
You look pretty, I said. Thanks.
I wish I had a better picture, she said.
It's fine, I said and it was.
This is awful, she said.
Yeah it is, I agreed. I wish you could come with us.
I laughed. I wish we could start over or at least go back in time but that's impossible. I wish I could snap my fingers and make your problems disappear. I wish we could drive this car into a new reality that would change everything except how we feel about each other right now. I wish tonight wasn't the last time I'll ever see you but it is.
We'll see each other again.
You think so?
I do.
Maybe we will. I sure hope so.

Teri called me about a week after she left, told me it was snowing and the day before she was walking to the mailbox and found a half a pack of my cigarettes in the pocket of a jacket I left at her house and that made her happy and sad. She said that Jack was looking for a job and was not having any luck and that he was drinking a lot. I told her that I missed her and to hang tough and that things will work out. She wanted me to write her a letter. I thought it was to dangerous but she said that she always picked up the mail. She pretty much insisted and I wanted to stay connected so I wrote the letter. I never heard back. I always thought something bad happened and it probably did. That's a story Teri would have to tell and it might be better left unsaid. I never saw or heard from her again. I don't know if she thought about me or this story much over the many years that have passed. Maybe she has thought about me fondly and wished that we could have met up and reconnected or maybe she thought less and less about me until I disappeared from her thoughts and her memory as well.

Not so Fast

It doesn't
Take long
To make
A mistake.

A Long Winter Ago

I was born
In the year of the Tiger

Not far from
A great lake

A long winter
ago

Don't Call Me Dana Delany

I picked up a girl
Wearing a pink hat and a camouflage dress
She told me that she wanted to go to a Halloween
Party
I asked her where is the party
She said just take me to a bar I just broke up with my ex and I want to cut loose
I said that should be easy
She said I am not easy
I said I didn't say you are easy I said cutting loose should be
She said don't call me Dana Delany
I said I love Dana Delany
She said everyone does do you have any water
I said I do not have any water would you like to stop and get a bottle
She said I would
My mouth is dry
I said there's a 7 - 11 on Fourth and Thomas
She asked how old are you
I said old as the hills
She said you don't look old
You look good
Better than a hill
I laughed and said what about a hill in Hawaii
I pulled into the parking lot of the 7 - 11
I asked where did you get your dress
She said Ross it coast ten dollars does it look OK
I said it does
She bought me a pretty big bottle of water
I took her to the Dilly Dally
She handed me twenty dollars
I smiled and said good luck Dana
She asked do I look OK.
I said you look great
Be cool
She said I can't be cool I'm an accountant
I said well I'll see you around
She said I hope so Eric
I wondered how she knew my name
I don't think I told her I thought maybe she's psychic
I hope she had a nice time at the bar
She's a nice lady
No Dana Delany
That's a tall order

Under A Spooky Tree

when the night rolled over the hill

I held you like my life depended on it

beside the river we smoked

someone yelled fuck you Rick

we laughed and hoped the morning would take it's time

and we might learn some things that would come in handy

in the real life shit storm

lurking around the bend

under a spooky tree

we knew it was coming

Like an out of control train

there wasn't a thing we could do to postpone

the nightmare daydream fuck all

you whispered I miss you

I held your hand

and knew what you meant

it didn't matter which way the wind blew