Black And White And Colors

When I was a kid
I saw everything in black and white
And I was wrong as much as right
I spent some time in the army
A couple decades in collage
Closed a lot of bars
Before during and after
Searched for somethings that probably did not exist
Started to see some color
Perspective
And am still wrong about half the time
So I would take what I say with a grain of salt

Don't Scare The Dogs

I was playing my brothers guitar
He told me to write a song about Jeff Tweedy
Two chords
Dealers choice

I met Jeff Tweedy in a bar
He was singing I was drinking
He called me an asshole
I said yes sir I am
And I hate Wilco
But I used to love Uncle tupelo
I hate Wilco
I used to love Uncle Tupelo
I hate Wilco
But I kinda like Son Volt

Truth be told I think Wilco is a fine band.

Mac Turner sat in a folding chair drinking a can of coke, eating a bag of potato chips, staring at blank glass. When Detective Williams returned to the room he asked for a cigarette.
"No smoking."
"How long will this take?"
"As long as it does. So you were a Ranger?"
"Yeah."
"You suffer from that PSTD?"
"PTSD. No I do not" Mac laughed.
"What's funny?"
Mac stopped laughing. "Come to think of it nothing."
"I should kick Your ass."
"I'm sitting right here."

About a month before he mustered out of the Army Mac went to a bar in Columbus with his buddy Wade Brown. Wade was trying to convince him to re up.
Mac and Wade had been friends since basic training. Wade told him there's a war coming around the bend. "I can feel it."
Mac grinned. "You might be right and I don't care."
"I call bull shit."
Mac laughed.
"Grenada was the most fun we ever had."
"It was embarrassing."
Wade laughed. "You have a point. But there's another one coming trust me."
"Bla bla bla."
"What the hell else you gonna do?"
"Go to collage."
"That's funny."
"I know."

A couple months before Mac flipped his life upside down he met a girl on the fourth of July at Lake Eufaula.
She was sitting alone on the grass watching the fireworks. He sat down beside her and asked if she wanted a beer. "OK," she said.
He handed her a can. "What's a pretty girl like you doing sitting here by yourself?"
She laughed. "My friend ditched me for a guy. They're over there," she said and pointed at a cluster of trees. "Or they were."
"Where are you from?" Mac asked, lit a cigarette and opened a can of beer.
She opened her can, took a sip and pointed across the Lake. "Right there, you can almost see it. Can I have one?"
He handed her a cigarette and lit it.
"You're in the Army?"
He nodded. "Yeah I am."
"How do you like it?"
He chuckled.
"I like Army guys."
"Why's that?"
"I don't know. You have a job and it's kind of important. I don't know. I just do. That was a good one," she said and pointed at the sky.
"Yeah it was," Mac said. They smoked, drank and looked up.
"I love the fourth of July," she said.
"Patriotic?"
"Not really. It's summer and the fireworks here are so great and everyone sits beside the lake."
Mac laid down. She did as well. They watched the climax. "That was awesome," she said.
"It was pretty neat."
"Pretty neat," she said and laughed.
"Do you work?"
"Sometimes."
Wade walked up."We're taking off," he said.
"I'll give you a ride," she said.
Wade smiled. "You're a lucky dog," he said.
"Damn right he is," she said.

When Mac reflected on that night he always thought it was the best time he ever had.
"If you don't give up your accomplices this is going to go down hill real fast," Detective Robinson said."
"Where's your friend?" Mac asked.
"He's not my friend. He's my partner."
"That makes me like you a little better. Is this good cop bad cop bullshit?"
"It's if you give up your partners we can make a deal."
"No deal."
"You are looking at serious jail time."
"I know."
"How come you haven't asked for a a lawyer?"
"What good would a lawyer do me?"
"Not much."
"I'm not telling you anything."
"That's not smart."
"So be it."

They walked about a third of the way around the lake to her parents house. It was a semi mansion surrounded by trees on a substantial lot. There were three cars in the driveway. "Wait here," she said. I have to change and get my keys. Stand over there behind those trees."
"Wait one second. I want to get one last look at you in that bikini," Mac said.
She laughed and posed suggestively for a moment before going in the house. That will do, Mac thought.
She returned. "Do you want to drive?" she asked.
"Up to you." She tossed him the keys. They stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey and a six pack of beer and Coke. She directed him to a motel about half way from where they were and where he had to be in the morning. He wasnt sure how he would get there or if he even cared if he did or whether it really mattered."They have patios and a killer view," she said.
"Sounds great."
"Do you have money?"
"I have enough."
"Get us a room."
The room wasn't fancy but it was nice. She opened the back door. "Come out here," she said. He obliged. She kissed him. "What do you think?" she asked.
"It's nice," he said.
"Why don't you get some ice and I'll make us drinks."
They sat on the patio and smoked and drank for about an hour. "Let's go to bed," she said. "The night's getting away from us."
They made love. Mac fixed them each a drink. He turned on the television and laid beside her. "What's your name?" she asked.
"Mac."
"I'm Mary."
Mac laughed. "I hadn't realized we didn't know each others name."
Mary smiled. "Now we do. Nice to meet you Mac," she said and laughed.
Mac continued laughing. "Yeah it was great."

Mac yelled, "I'll cover you," and threw off a few series of three round bursts. Wade was fifty yards closer to the car Mary was waiting in.
"Fuck that. You come to me. I'll cover you," Wade yelled and aimed his rifle and started firing rounds over the heads of entrenched officers. Pivoted and repeated.
"I won't make it. Get her out of here," Mac yelled and methodically opened a door for Wade to wiggle through. Wade hesitated for a second before realizing that Mac was right and ran toward the car. When Mac saw the car leaving he kept up the cover fire until it did the car no further good. He put the rifle down and waited for cops to offer him a chance to surrender. When they did he accepted their conditions and trusted Wade to get Mary out of trouble. He knew if he was in Wades position he could do it and that Wade was his equal in situations like the one he was presently in.
Mac woke in his cell from a dream that was also reality and thought about Wade and Mary pulling over and deciding what to do next. They knew he wouldn't rat them out however only a fool would count on that they also must have realized the game was up. They concluded leaving the city was their best option according to the letters Mary sent him after he was sentenced and incarnated. She told him they cashed out and drove to Wades parents house in Michigan and hung out their until she became bored and flew to Phoenix to visit her sister and wait. She said she hasn't seen Wade since he took her to the airport. She contacted a lawyer who put her in touch with a money man who concocted a way for her to buy a house outside of Phoenix. She applied for a part time job at a Jewelry store and worked two days a week and started to wait for him to get out of jail. We can take up where we left off she wrote. Behave yourself so you can get out early, she added. It seemed kind of far fetched to Mac however it also gave him something to look forward too. They would have enough money to do as they pleased as long as they didn't think to big.

"I have one more question," Sargent Robinson said.
"I'll answer if I can," Mac said.
"Why did you aim over their heads?"
"It wasn't their fault I ended up on that street up shit creek."
"Well I thank you for that."
Mac chuckled. "You're welcome. It would have made it worse for everyone involved."

On the way to Michigan Wade stopped at a bar in Ohio or Indiana or Wisconsin and Mary and Wade were drunk and stumbled across the parking lot to a motel and Mary tried to give Wade a kiss. He rebuffed her and they slept on separate beds and woke up and continued their journey. "Why didn't you kiss me back," she asked. He didn't answer. "I know you wanted too. It wouldn't have meant anything out side the hear and the now at the time."
"I'm not going to Fuck my best friends girl after he sacrificed himself so we could get away."
"That's nobel. But you wanted too right."
"Of coarse I did."
"You should have as I said it wouldn't have meant anything."
Wade laughed. "In the here and the now at the time."
"The reason it wouldnt mean anythig is I love Mac."
"That's another reason not to have done it. Is there any beer left?"
She handed him a can. "Or a reason to have."

Mary sat in her house and wondered why she offered herself to Wade. It wasn't physical. She thought he was kind of attractive and a OK guy but that wasn't reason enough at the time. I was probably scared, she thought and poured a glass of wine. She had a few sort of boyfriends since she arrived in Phoenix but anytime she or the guy started getting serious she sabatoged the relationship. She needed a man sometimes and sometimes she didn't but in her own way remained loyal to Mac. Mac was the only guy she ever truly wanted or needed and somehow she knew that the moment he asked her if she wanted a beer.

Mac was shooting hoops. Washington walked up picked up the ball under the basket and tossed it to Mac. "You think you're Lary Bird?" Washington asked.
Mac laughed.
"So you were a Ranger?" Washington said.
Mac passed Washington the ball. Washington threw it back, Mac hit a high arching shot from the top of the key.
"Not bad for a white boy," Washington said.
"What do you want?" Mac said, received a pass and sunk another.
"I have a problem you might be able to help me with"
"I'm not interested."
"How you know that?"
Mac chuckled. "I'll take my chances," he said and walked to a bench and sat down. Washington followed him.
"So make your pitch."
Washington took a seat and told him about a snitch that arrived a couple days prior that he needed takin care of and that he had an endless supply of weed and that he would be able to arrange a monthly vist of a girl that he knew and he could also get him a room to spend a couple hours alone with her.
Mac laughed.
"So what say you brother?" Washington asked.
"I'm not your brother."
Washington grinned. "So you ain't."
"Give me the specs."
"The specs standin' there by the fence talkin' to the midget."
"Big kid."
"That a problem."
"Not really."
"Didn't think so. Besides he's a pussy."
Mac laughed. "Why don't you do it then?"
Washington smiled. "Cause I'm the head nigger in charge."
"You better fuckin' be."

Diane Lacy sat in a room and waited. She lit a cigarette and opened a magazine. A guard opened a door and a man walked into the room. He sat across from her and offered his hand to shake. "Mac," he said. She took his hand and said, "I'm Diane."
"How do you know Washington?" Mac asked.
"He's my cousin."
Diane stood, walked across the room, stopped beside a bed, dropped her cigarette on the floor and took off her blouse. "How do you know him?"
Mac lit a cigarette. Diane finished undressing and turned around. She completed a circle. "Do you like what you see?"
"I didn't think this through," Mac said.
Diane laid on the bed. "Didn't think what through?"
Mac stood, picked up a chair, walked across the room and sat beside the bed. "Are you a hooker?"
Diane laughed. "Why should I answer your questions when you don't answer mine?"
"I don't really know him. To be honest he used me. And I do like what I see."
Diane smiled. "It's not hard. I wasn't a hooker until five minutes ago." She giggled. "It's not so bad."
"Why are you doing it?"
"That's a good question. I wasn't asked. I was told, but I need the money anyway. And Richard told me your cool." Diane smiled. "So are you?"
Mac laughed. "So cool I'm ice cold."
"Why don't you let me thaw you out."

Mary was bored and lonely. She was sitting in a bar getting hit on by a cute but idiotic guy who bought her enough drinks to get drunk but she cut him off before she dropped her standards. But only just barley, she thought, walked outside, got in her car and saw a pay phone. She called Wade. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. What do you want?"
"I want you to vist me. Or let me vist you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Why are you such an asshole."
"I'll see you tomarrow."
"Really?"
"Why not."

Wade called Mary from the airport and asked for her address. She told him she would pick him up . He told her, he rented a car. She gave him her address but told him to meet her at a bar. The bar was on the corner of the street he would take a left on to get to her house anyway, she said. Wade drove around Phoenix for awhile to become aquanted with the city. The only thing he liked about travaling is seeing the places he travaled to and he always spent time looking for the character of it. He liked doing that alone. If you are with someone you get distracted. He took the freeway to the end of the city and about ten miles beyond. He stopped at a bar, had a beer and listened to a couple of fake cowboys talk about how fucked up the country is. He paid his bill and said, "if it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"What?" One of the fake cowboys said.
"If it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up and go back where you came from." The other fake cowboy said.
"I just might," Wade said, left a five dollar bill under his empty bottle, walked outside and stared at a mountain that looked kind of like an Indians face.
"Hey asshole."
Wade turned around and grinned.
"You think you can just waltz in here insult us and go on your merry way."
"Yeah, I thought I could."
"Well you can't."
The fake cowboy took a swing, Wade ducked, kneed him in the balls and brought his elbow up into his nose. The fake cowboy fell hard on the pavement. His friend threw a wild punch Wade avoided and he repeated almost exactly what he'd done about five seconds before. "You rednecks had enough?" I shouldn't have done this. Although it's no skin off my teeth. Why am I in such a bad mood. I know why I'm in such a bad mood, Wade thought.

"What took you so long?" Mary said, ran up to Wade and gave him a kiss.
"I got lost."
"On purpose."
Wade kissed her again. I ain't going to fight it anymore, he thought.
"I'm already drunk."
"That's OK."
"Where did you get lost?"
"A place called New River."
"That place sucks."
"You been there?"
"Once. A friend of mine grew up there and I tagged along with her to a party. How did you end up there?"
"I'm was checking out the lay of the land. That's where the car took me."
"The car took you?"
"Yeah."
"Let's get out of here. I have everything at my house we need."
"Everything?"
"Everthing."

Three Hundred Years

If I proceed at my present pace
In a hundred years I will be able to compose a song as complex, world weary and poetic as Tangled Up In Blue.
If human beings are still able to read in two hundred years I will write a novel that will not be embarrassed by The Sun Also Rises
And in three hundred years Shakespeare better keep the eyes in the back of his head wide open.
It's a good thing I have taken excellent care of myself.

JJ Cale Wrote Her Eric Clapton Made Her Iconic

Is the song Cocaine pro or con or a little of both like the subject itself.
Can't deny the good times however...
It's great in the morning with a little weed when you have a hangover or even if you don't or your going to a bar or... fill in the blank.
Especially if it's really good shit. It's always been pretty hard to argue with high quality cocaine.
On the other hand it's an expensive way to stupidly entertain yourself and it makes you talk too much too loud and too fast and grind your teeth and it orders you to look out the window constantly looking for something that isn't there and it... fill in the blank.
These days I turn cocaine down but I turn down damn near everything even cigarettes and truth be told that makes me feel old and for better or worse I look forward to the day I take up all my so called bad habits again.
If you want to hang out you got to take her out...

Water Under the Bridge

Teri sat at her kitchen table nursing a glass of wine, waiting for something she was almost certain would amount to nothing or at best not much. Her husband Jack was at work. He'd been working the graveyard shift the past few nights. She enjoyed not having him around at night. She looked out the window at her driveway, thought, I should have picked Clayton up, sighed. The phone rang. Jack asked about their kids. "They're fine," she said.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked.
None of your business, she thought.
"Having a glass of wine. Looking out the window," she said.
"At what?"
"The driveway."
"Jesus Christ."
"What time will you be home?"
"Two or three. I might get a couple beers after work."
I shouldn't be drinking, she thought, refilled her glass. I have classes tomorrow, I have to get the kids to school.
"See you when you get home," she said, hung up. Where is he, she thought.

Teri moved from the kitchen to the porch, watched the moon move subtly through a cloud over the house across the street. She saw Clayton walking about a minute before he arrived. She was both mad and happy also sad and relieved. At least he showed up, she thought. Clayton smiled, handed her a rose. "Thanks."
"I love you," he said.
"The moon is pretty tonight."
Clayton looked up. "Sure enough," he said, sat down beside her. "Would you like to share a beer?"
"Sure."
He pulled a can out of his jacket, opened it, handed it to her. They looked at the sky through the trees until the can was empty. "I'll take you home," Teri said.
"What about the kids?"
"They'll be alright. They're asleep. They won't even know I'm not here."
"What if they wake up?"
"They won't."
"How do you know that?"
"Cause they're my kids."
"I can walk."
"It's four miles. I'll go ask Martha to watch them."

Teri pulled over beside a river. "Can we share a cigarette?" Clayton lit one, handed it to her. The tape Hard Promises played softly. They could almost hear the water moving. "Where were you," Teri asked.
"The shit kicker dive on Victory Drive. It was Browns birthday. I wanted to come sooner." He tossed the cigarette. "I'm sorry."
"Jack works late tomorrow night."
"I'll be waiting on the corner and at your house five minutes after he leaves."
"Promise?"
"I do."
"Kiss me."
Clayton smiled. "I almost forgot." He pulled a joint out of his cigarette pack, handed it to her. "Smoke it latter if you get sad," he said,

When you cross the Chattahoochee River heading west out of Columbus you enter Phoenix City. When Patten was stationed at Fort Benning he lobbied to flatten Phoenix City with his tanks, according to legend. The Holiday Inn bar in Phoenix City stays open until five in the mourning, six Columbus time. At five - fifteen Phoenix City time Clayton, Rick, Jack and Wade stood on a bridge that separated cities, states and a time line about thirty feet above the water looking down. "I'm doing it," Rick said, took off his shirt, did a fine swan dive into pretty fast moving water they couldn't really see but heard. It almost looked like he dived into reverse sky or nothing. Clayton leaned over the railing. Wade laughed. "What a dumb shit," he said.
"Do you think he's dead?" Jack asked.
"Rick's a good swimmer," Clayton said.
"Rick's an idiot but he has balls," Wade said.
Clayton and Jack nodded.
"I better go look for him," Wade said, walked to the end of the bridge, disappeared.
Clayton lit a cigarette. "Do you have another one?" Jack asked. "Maryanne told me she saw Teri at the barracks tonight."
"What?" Clayton asked, handed Jack a smoke.
"Did you see Teri at the barracks tonight?"
"She gave me a ride."
Jack lit the cigarette, stared at Clayton for five seconds, took a drag, asked, "how did that come about?"
Clayton thought about his answer for as long as he could without drawing attention to the lie he was forced to tell without any advanced notice. "I stopped by your house. Rick told me you know where to get acid. I think it was Rick."
"He's right. Do you want a hit?"
"Yeah, of coarse I do."
"What did Teri do with the kids? Just leave them?"
"One of your neighbors watched them." Clayton looked over the railing.
"I'm surprised she didn't just leave them."
"She didn't."
"See anything?"
"I can't see shit."
"I found him," Wade yelled."
"Is he OK?" Jack yelled.
"No."
"Can you see them?" Clayton asked.
"I can't see anything."
"We're coming up!"
"No shit," Jack said, flicked his cigarette over the railing.
"Hey, who did you sell your M16 to?"
"Some nigger Brown knows."

Teri couldn't sleep. She drifted into the backyard, took a couple hits off the joint Clayton gave her, walked around the yard, went inside, turned on the TV, laid on the couch, took off her panties, masturbated. She thought about a guy who was three years ahead of her in high school. After a shower, she wondered, where is Jack, is Clayton thinking about me, do I have anything to make the kids for lunch?

Clayton stood behind a giant bush watching Teri's house. It was pretty cold. He'd been standing there about an hour. He thought this is kind of like being a spy, a narc or an asshole. He watched a bird fly from a tree to another tree. He glanced at his watch, wondered if he had the time Jack leaves for work wrong or is Jack running late or did he call in sick? He considered knocking on the door, thought better of it, sat on the grass but that made him colder. He decided to walk to a bar and have a beer when Jack walked out the door, got in a car that pulled up in front of the house. Two minutes latter he knocked on Teri's door. Teri opened the door. "You look cold."
Teri told Mike she had to do research at the library and arranged for Martha to watch the kids. "You need to walk away. I will pick you up down the road a little ways. Turn left at the stop sign," Teri said. They stopped at a grocery store, purchased a bottle of whiskey, bread, ham and potato chips. Clayton bought them a room in a cheep motel. Teri felt a little sleazy, that kind of turned her on. Clayton went to get a couple cans of Coke and ice. Teri made them each a sandwich, took off her cloths, laid on the bed. Clayton returned, smiled, fixed two drinks poured Coke in one, handed it to Teri. They ate, watched the Rockford Files. When they finished eating they made love. This wasn't their first time but it was different and almost felt like it was. They had time, not a abundance, but enough, that made a huge difference. After Clayton asked her what she wanted to do? "lay here with you."
"How much time do we have?"
"A couple hours."
Clayton made them another drink. The Rockford Files ended. They watched Cheers. Teri fell asleep. Clayton woke her an hour latter. They made love again. After, Teri dressed, kissed him, left.
Clayton walked to a bar, closed the place, staggered back to the room, laid down, couldn't sleep, drank the rest of the bottle of whiskey, threw the empty bottle at the TV. The bottle flew by the TV, hit the wall. He knew the night was the best it would ever be, that wasn't enough or more than enough, that made it worse.

Teri woke Jack, told him she needed to go to the grocery store, that she was also going to stop by the library. "You were there last night," Jack said.
"I have finals this week. I will be back as soon as I can. The kids are watching TV."
"You're a goddamn bitch," he said, rolled over.

"You look terrible," Teri said when Clayton opened the door.
Clayton smiled. "you look great."
Teri stepped over broken glass, looked at the broken glass, grinned, sat on the bed. "Get yourself together and I'll give you a ride to the base."
Clayton told Teri not to take him all the way to the barracks so she wouldn't be seen. She pulled over about a quarter mile short. They walked down a path in the woods. Clayton lit a cigarette, handed it to her. She took a few puffs, gave it back. "My semester ends on Thursday. We are leaving for Michigan on Saturday."
Clayton handed her the cigarette. A deer ran across the path about fifty yards in front of them. "You always knew I was going home. I have always hated this place."
"I get it."
They walked in silence deeper into the woods. It was pretty dark. The deer crossed the path behind them, like it was following them. "Say something," Teri said.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything. I do want you to say something."
"I wonder whats up with that deer."

Teri and Jack had a going away party on the night before they left. Jack asked Teri if she would come into their bedroom for a minute. "Close the door," Jack said. As soon as she did he broke her nose, shoved her on the bed, slapped her head. "You're a fucking whore. This isn't over," Jack said, left the room.
Clayton was in the backyard talking to Barry.
Jack walked across the yard, hit the back of Clayton's head with a shovel. Clayton staggered and fell. "I'm going to kill you you son of a bitch," Jack said, kicked Clayton's chest. Teri looked out the bedroom window. Rick and Kevin grabbed Jack, pulled him away from Clayton.
"Your going to kill him," Rick said.
"That's the fucking plan"
"You have him?" Barry asked.
"I got him," Rick said. "You need to cool it."
"Fuck you Rick. He's fucking Teri.
Barry knelt beside Clayton. "CJ you alright? He ain't moving man."

"Where's Teri?" Clayton asked.
"In the house, I think," Barry said.
"Do you have a smoke? I can't find mine."
Barry lit a cigarette, handed it to Clayton. "You should go to the hospital."
"I'm OK. Where's Jack?"
"Rick and Kevin took him to a bar. We should get out of here before they get back."
Clayton laughed, rubbed his ribs. "I have to talk to Teri."
"Make it quick. Jack says he's going to kill you."
Clayton smiled. "I'm not going to let him kill me."
"He almost just did."
"I didn't know he wanted to, now I do," Clayton said.
Teri was sitting on the couch holding a bag of ice on her nose. "Are you alright?" Clayton asked.
Teri half laughed, half cried.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Clayton said.
"What good will that do?"
"Let me see your nose."
Teri pulled the ice from her face.

Clayton drove Teri to the hospital in her car. A doctor in training put her nose in place and told her that it would probably not be noticeable in a month or so.

Clayton pulled into a gas station so Teri could call her house. Rick told her Jack and the kids were asleep and everyone was gone. "What are you going to do?" Clayton asked.
"What can I do? We're going home tomorrow. You act like I have a choice."
"You do."
"Do I? Are you OK?"
"What do you mean?"
"You were hit on the head with a shovel."
Clayton smiled. "It hurts a little. It will probably hurt more latter."
Teri leaned against him.
"What are you going to do when you get home?"
"I don't know. Stay with my brother until Jack finds a job. Finish school."
"You have to leave him."
"And go where?"
"Anywhere. Stay here."
"I hate here. It isn't all Jacks fault. We certainly contributed."
"None the less if he wasn't an asshole, none of it and I mean all of it wouldn't have happened.
"What wouldn't have happened? Tonight? It might have or something would have. Something always does. In away you and i were inevitable."
"You think so?"
"I do."
He appreciated her saying that.
Teri told Clayton to drive to the base, she would drive home from there.
"I can walk."
"I know you can tough guy."
Clayton parked the car in front of the barracks."I guess this is it."
"I wish it wasn't."
"Are you going to be OK tonight with Jack."
"He made his point."
Clayton asked her for a picture. She found one in her purse, gave it to him. "It's the only one I have on me."
She was standing next to a oak tree in a blue dress. Clayton looked at the picture. "You look pretty. You always look pretty. Thanks." He took out his wallet and put the picture in it, took all but twenty dollars out, handed it to Teri.
"I don't want your money."
"I don't want it either," Clayton said, walked into the barracks.
Teri watched him until he disappeared like a ghost, she thought.
Clayton thought she doesn't have a picture of me or maybe she does.

Teri stopped at the river, tried to hear it flow, couldn't, tried to cry, kind of laughed, found one of Clayton's cigarettes, lit it, got out of the car, walked down to the river where she could hear it head to Mexico. Is that where it's going? she thought, I'll miss him for awhile, or maybe the rest of my life. Getting through collage and taking care of my kids is what's important. Jack might be an asshole but he can help me. We have been through a lot. He knows me and can help me get rid of him ironically. I have to be patient. I wasn't, that's why I am standing here with a broken nose,smoking. She threw the butt in the river. I quit once I can do it again. Quit all the useless stuff I can't seem to stop doing. Never again, she thought, laughed, "yeah right," she said, walked up the hill. I'll be alright, not perfect, she thought, "goodby CJ." she said, got in her car, drove to her house, one more step, on the way home or so it seemed.

Clayton went to the day room. Norman was watching TV. "You OK?" Norman asked. "Barry told me what happened.
"Yeah, what you watching?"
"The Maltese Falcon."
"Any good?"
"It's great."
Clayton sort of stumbled, sat down.
"Are you sure you're OK?"
"I'm pretty good considering."
Clayton found two quarters in his pocket. "Hey Norman you mind getting me a beer from the machine?" He handed Norman the quarters, lit a cigarette. Norman walked across the room, purchased the beer, handed the can to Clayton. "Norman do you have fifty bucks you can spot me till payday?"
Norman handed him two twenties and a ten. "So the movies good," Clayton said, closed his eyes.