Bluesman : John Lee Hooker

I never made it to Paris
my father said there's a war they're not sending you to Germany
I wasn't that surprised and only a little disappointed
I thought I could go to Paris after my hitch
when my foot was blown off and my arm mangled I laid on the ground and laughed
I smelled rain
it wasn't raining
I don't know if it ever did
Cooper ran up and gave me some morphine and said you're lucky Dude
call me lucky then I said
I wasn't much good to the Army with a limp and a worthless left arm so I was discharged and a little lucky I guess and returned to my hometown and laid around my dad's house drinking beer and smoking dope and reading books about World War II
my favorite was Some Came Running
my dad said you should go out
I said where would I go
take your girlfriend to a movie he said
she isn't my girlfriend anymore I said
give her a chance my dad said
she doesn't know I'm home and I thought you didn't like her anymore I said and thought I might and listened to my dad tune his guitar and play a song about a train
you could join in my dad said
I don't play anymore I said
before I was hit all I thought about was walking up to Kathy in my uniform although she probably wouldn't be impressed by an Army uniform and telling her about my great adventure
the night before I left for basic I took Kathy to the half-finished house I helped her dad build in the woods by the river
she said guys like your friend Jerry join the Army and you are nothing like him
I said maybe I'm more like him than you know
maybe you are she said can you smell the rain she asked
yeah I said
I hope it pours she said
it was the end of summer and dark
I couldn't see the trees but I heard them moving
take me home she said and I thought I'll write her a letter tomorrow on the plane and tell her why I did all the shit I did that she didn't understand

Rory Gallagher

Abstract Tribute

He's such an asshole she said
The asshole she was referencing was in a Circle K getting money out of an ATM
I laughed
It's not funny she said
A man opened the passenger door and sat in the cab
I'm busy I said
He pointed a pistol at me and said drive Dog
I backed up and pulled out of the parking lot I don't have much money I said
I don't want your money Dog
What do you want? I asked
Take a left
Did my husband hire you? she asked
Shut up he said
I turned left
Pull in here he said
I pulled into a driveway
He opened a garage
Park he said
Come on he said and we followed him into a little box house
Two guys were sitting at a table in the kitchen playing cards
Over here he said and pointed at a door
We walked into the room
He shut and locked the door
My husband has his name written all over this she said
I sat on a bed
What the fuck I said
What are you going to do? she asked
About this?
She nodded
I don't know that guy seems to know what he's doing I said
Why, she asked, because he tells you to do something and you do it?
Yeah I said
I thought cab drivers are supposed to be tough she said

I'm not that tough, I admitted
No shit she said do you have a cigarette?
They're in the cab
Figures
I can take pain better than I can fight I said
That's deep she said you're worthless
I wouldn't put it that way I said and laid down on the floor and closed my eyes
What are you taking a nap? she asked
Yep I said
I hope that little nigger kills you
He's not that little I said
He's a fucking midget!
The door opened the guy looked at me and said come on
I got up and followed him into a hall
You've done what I asked and I don't need you so I'm going to let you go he said
Cool I said
Look at my face he said
I did
Now forget it he said and paused I'll open the garage door he added
Thanks man I said and got in my cab and drove to the Ritz

History Lesson XLIII

One of the many cool things about Rory Gallagher is that almost all of his records have a crime novel-themed song

He never sucked up to the public or the record companies

The Stones wanted him to audition after Mick Taylor quit and he played with them for a couple days and said I have to go to Japan

He wasn't into the art of making singles

He wasn't anybody's sideman

He could play rhythm and lead at the same time

Like a real blues' man or folk singer

No way in hell was anyone going to tell him what to play or how

He died way before his time

Too much dope and booze

He left a pretty hefty resume and legacy and a street corner named after him in Dublin Belfast or Cork

His old Stratocaster hangs on a brick wall under his name and a couple dates and his old records still sound great

So turn off that shit you are listening to and download Jinx or Calling Card and crank it up to the rafters

Right now

Unless you don't like Rock and Roll

Bruce Springsteen

About a week before I was laid off
I took Maria down to Atlantic City
We hit the tables
And saw a couple shows
Maria loves that shit
(I couldn't care less)
I hope she remembers
A friend of mine
Sells black market cigarettes
And some other stuff
I help him sometimes
And that should keep me
In spending money
While I go bankrupt
Tomorrow we're going to the river
I'll bring my old boom box
And some tapes I made her
When we were in high school
I found them in the basement
While I was looking for my baseball mitt
Even though I'm not doing much
I'm tired all the time
A bartender told me it's stress
I don't believe that
I haven't told my wife
I'm out of work
We leave at the same time
I come home
Watch game shows
Drink beer
And listen to music with my dog
Sometimes in the afternoon
I drive around
But the radio sucks
And I have nowhere to go
Sometimes I do go to the lake
Sit in the car
Watch the snow fall
But that only works for awhile
I should be looking for a job
But I don't want one
Maybe I will
When I really want something
Or I lose everything
At the risk of sounding depressing
My dad used to say at the dinner table
At least we're doing better than the niggers
My mom would say Henry
My dad would laugh and wink at me
And say he knows I don't mean nothing
I think he meant that
Although we weren't doing that good
At least we weren't doing that bad
I can't even say that anymore
My dad isn't a racist
His friends said nigger this
Nigger that
So he did
I'm not making excuses
He doesn't need me to
My dad has his faults
But we always had food
A house
And he had a little extra in his pocket
Most of the time
If my mother or I needed anything
And he cheered like a madman
If I did something good in a football game
And he treats my mom pretty good
I met Maria my junior year
I knew she was the one
And I wouldn't do better
In a million years
So I married her
College was a stupid dream
I sure don't regret my choice
It was the right one
I was going to study engineering
I have always been fascinated by bridges

Rolling Stones

If the quality of the records

they played on
is the determining factor
Mick Taylor is the best
second guitarist
the Stones had
however Brain Jones'
slide on No Expectations
sounds like he's been
playing and living
the blues
for a hundred years
and that's almost impossible
Ron Wood lasted the longest
and was as good as anyone
when he was Rod Stewart's
right hand man
(Brown Deer thinks
he's the most underrated guitarist
in the history of rock and roll)
and he got off to a great start
on Some Girls
and Jagger and Richards
were better songwriters
during Taylor's reign
and who really knows
who's playing what
when it all melds
seamlessly together
except journalists
nonetheless
Taylor gets my vote
but who knows
I guess
they all did alright
for themselves
except for
Brain Jones
and even his short life
was probably
better than most
guys who pick up a guitar
and try to play for dough

Jimmy Miller
produced the Rolling Stones
from Beggars Banquet
through Goat Heads Soup
and for that
he should receive a
Nobel Prize
and Mick and Keith
ought to drop by the office
and dip into their petty cash
and cut him a check
for ten million dollars
the Stones
never had a stretch
like that before or since
although Some Girls
through Dirty Work
is semi-close
and a million miles away
in Richards' book Life
he claims
Miller got hooked
and sat in the control room
carving swastikas
into the soundboard
while they made
Goats Head Soup
hey it's only rock and roll
ain't it
he got canned
and that's understandable
but producers
make a difference
check out Aftermath
and then play Sticky Fingers
and tell me they don't

They opened
with Start Me Up
and played Jumpin' Jack Flash
and Satisfaction
and Under My Thumb
and most of their hits
and some surprises
the stage was huge
and Jagger ran around it
like a man half his age
and kept changing his clothes
I guess it was great
but I was too far away
even though I improved
my position
by about seventy-five percent
there aren't any good seats
in a football stadium
and even the Stones
can't overcome that
although I'm glad
I went
the most memorable
part of the concert
was freezing
my ass off
in the bed of a truck
on Carefree Highway
after getting dumped
on Seventh Street
by a friend of mine's
dickhead of a father
and getting dropped off
on Cave Creek road
and walking
the rest of the way
and smoking
my last joint
with my buddy Pete

The Eighties: an essay of sorts (The Decade Of Prince)

The Band holed up in LA
drinking
and snorting
and smoking
and fucking (who can blame them)
John Lennon
and Peter Tosh
were murdered
The Cars and the Police
took over the radio
Bob Marley died
Michael Jackson
and Madonna
taught
a generation
how to dance
and revolutionized
a new low artform
Elvis Costello
did all he could
and then some
Linda Ronstadt
disappeared
for the most part
Stevie Nicks
sang
Knocking On Heavens Door
with Bob Dylan
in Mesa
and you could
smell that shit
in Phoenix
Tom Waits
records kept getting
more interesting
Something started
brewing
in Seattle
Dimes
became nickles
and quarters
looked like dimes
but the weed
tasted sweeter
Husker Du
and X
and the Replacements
and Lone Justice
and the Blasters
and the Beat Farmers
and the Del Lords
and Giant Sand
and the Golden Palominos
and Green On Red
and the Long Riders
and some bands
I forget
or can't spell
composed
performed
and recorded
great music
throughout the decade
and were
mostly ignored
until they went broke
and quit
Bob Dylan's
records
were underrated
but not up to
his high standards
Prince
damn near
saved
rock and roll
and the world
but it was
too big a job
for one man
to do
The Clash
said goodnight
and punks
became post punks
overnight
and why
would anyone
want to be called
a punk anyway
The Fornicating Cattle
sounded like Exile
era Stones
for two minutes
in 1988
but Brown Deer
forgot to
turn on the tape
Don Williams
and Hank's kid
and Patty Loveless
tried to keep
country and western music
from jumping off a cliff
The Stones
still had it
but were
less willing
to bring it
they made
a few decent records
and put on
at least
one mediocre
show in Phoenix
or maybe it was great
and everyone
was to far away
to see it
and everyone said
this might be
my last chance
to see them
Lou Reed
made his
best record
and everyone
still kept talking
about the
Velvet Underground
for reasons
I can't comprehend
The Who
broke up
came back
and made
piles of cash
they're still
trying to count
After a decade
and a half of
elegant
understatement
Eric Clapton
hooked up
with Phil Collins
and made two
of his worst records
(I can listen to
but not defend them)
to be fair
he made a couple
pretty good ones
Where's Leon
when you need him
Waylon quit
drinking coke
and staying up
all night
catchin' songs
John Cougar
changed his name again
U2
became
the biggest band
in the world
for better and worse
And who
can forget
Duran Duran
Wham
the catch
money for nothing
and
chicks for free
Dynasty
Bill Cosby
Bill Buckner
Pat Benatar
The cold war (I miss it)
Ronald Ray Gun
the beginning
of the end
of western civilization
and
The long
slow death
of rock and roll
and
country western


The ten best records of the decade were
I Blast Of Silence
II King Of America
III Purple Rain
IV The Blasters
V Warehouse
VI New York
VII More Fun In The New World
VIII The Rose Of England
IX Rumor And Sigh
X Rain Dogs
Off the top of my head
Ten more
Honky Tonk Angel
Guitar Town
The Pressure Is On
Blood And Chocolate
Rock n' Roll
Money And Cigarettes
Nebraska
Border Radio
Emotional Rescue
Long Stem Rant
I could go on and on
The ten best songs
I Brownsville Girl
II Purple Rain
III Poor Little Girl
IV Looking For Lewis And Clark
V Reason To Believe
VI Work Was New
VII American Without Tears
VIII Little Honey
IV All My Rowdy Friends (Have Settled Down)
X Johnny Come Lately
Artist of the decade
and it ain't even close
PRINCE
He could
fill both lists
if I wasn't
trying to be fair
to everyone but him
How could
a list
of the twenty best albums
of the decade
not include
Sign Of The Times
and 1999
Here's
ten songs
that should
blow your mind
I Could Die For U
I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man
Little Red Corvette
Raspberry Beret
When You Were Mine
Nothing Compares To U
Cream
Alphabet Street
Diamonds And Pearls
Controversy
How's that
for ten years worth
And there's more
those are
just the ones
I thought of
while I looked
at a couple
of his records
while doing
research for
this tome
Yeah I know
this is hardly
a tome
and calling
looking
at the back
of a greatest hits CD
research is
kind of a stretch

Guided By Voices

I was walking down the street last Sunday
And I saw something I can't talk about
The park was full of European football players so we went to the zoo
After we circled the town looking for you
I sat on the toilet and watched you take a bath
Read a story by John Updike made a ham sandwich and fell asleep watching golf
A perfect afternoon ruined by a suggestion
A wasted week saved by a great football game
I'm proud of you you said
For what I asked I haven't done a damn thing in fifty years I said
A wine bottle slid off the table and shattered on the cement floor
The music was so loud we didn't notice the fire in the backyard until it was way too late
I smelled rotten peaches
And looked but couldn't find any and that drove me crazy
When we ran head-on into the end of the line
I heard you laughing in the caboose
I can't see the smoke signals (I know you're sending) through the fog
Or find the stuff we thought we needed in the attic

Rod Stewart

Last night

Bob Dylan
sang
Tangled Up In Blue
and I thought
man
you have to
sing songs
for fifty years
to pull this off.
My brother said
this might be
the worst version
I've ever heard
but it sounds
cool as shit.
Penny smiled
and said
it's scat rap.
I just made that up,
she added.
I was
kind of sad.

I thought
I'm never going
to hear it
sung like that again.
If I could
I would
play it
over and over
again and again
'cause that's
the way I am.
I learned
from my dad.
He listened
to Every Picture
Tells A Story
all night
while
he played gin
with his
friend
Nick Monda.
They made
a bet.
Who could
hold out
the longest.
They thought
it was
a perfect record
and it probably is
Rod's masterpiece
and he made
a shitload
of great records
in the seventies.