Every now and then l know it’s kinda hard to tell but lm still alive and well
3.05.2021
2.10.2018
A Little Grace Goes Along Way
Maria stood under an awning in front of the lobby of the Ritz Carlton talking to the bell hop.
Mac sat at a makeshift desk cleaning weed listening to The Golden Palominos. He received a message stuffed a pipe, took three hits, turned off the sterio, shuffled the weed on the desk into a bag and walked outside and jumped in a cab.
"Cab 1819," Mac said.
Mac lit a cigarette, waited for his pager to beeb. It went off, he read "Ritz Carlton 2401 E Camelback see bellhop."
He smiled, promising he thought, drove a half mile pulled into the parking lot, saw a girl making hand jesters to a man wearing a funny looking uniform. Mac rolled down the window,"did you call a cab," he asked and turned up the heater. The guy in the funny looking uniform pointed at the girl. "For her," he said.
"You called me a cab," she said and stumbled."I thought we were going to party."
She's pretty good looking or really good looking, Mac thought. "How drunk is she?" Mac asked.
"Really drunk," the girl said and laughed.
"And then some," the guy in the uniform said.
"You're coming home with me,"she said and grabbed his arm. She tried to drag him toward the cab. He escaped. "I have to work."
Mac laughed. "Where you headed?" He asked.
She pointed south east. "Over there."
The man in uniform leaned into the window. "Please get her out of here."
"If she wants to go and can tell me where she lives I'll take her."
"I told you where I live," she said, walked to the door and opened it. "Can I sit up here?" She sat in the car.
"I need something more specific than a general direction."
She smiled. "Of coarse you do. Let's move. This place let me down."
"Sorry to hear that. Over there," Mac said, and pointed south east.
She laughed. "Percisislly."
Mac turned the car around and headed south east.
"What time is it?"
"One thirty."
"They kicked me out of the bar. I was the only one in there and they kicked me out. They wouldn't put my drink in a to go glass.?
Mac laughed. It turned into a grin.
"You have a pretty smile. It isn't funny. They even kicked me out of the lobby. I didn't even want to be there. My friends met some boys from Colorado, I think and left me. I'm OK with that. I can take care of myself."
"I bet you can."
"I can. Turn left."
He turned left.
"Next right."
A couple turns latter they pulled up to a small red brick apartment.
"Mi casa."
"Nice place."
"It's not."
"It looks OK from here."
"Looks can be deceiving."
"True."
"What do I owe you Mac?"
"How you know my name?"
"Your name is Mac. I meant Mac like in would you like a drink Mac or hey Mac or how much do I owe you Mac?"
"Five bucks."
She handed him a twenty. "Keep it."
"Thanks a lot."
"I hope my friends are alright."
"They probably are."
"That's a bold statement Mac," she said and laughed. You never said if you would like a drink."
"Yeah. Why not?"
"I have half a bottle of vodka in my freezer."
"Sounds good."
"Absolute. A lot of people prefer Kettle One or Grey Goose. I do not."
"I don't either."
She smiled. "Come on."
Mac couldn't decide whether her face was pretty or cute. She wore cowgirl jeans that flattered her damn near perfect ass, a well made white blouse, hair short and well styled, nose damn near as perfect as her ass, brown eyes that looked sad even when she was laughing or smiling. He decided both. He followed her into a room. A giant TV dominated the space, dwarfing a couch and a chair placed to close to the TV and a small table covered with magazines an ashtray ashes and an assortment of garbage. She walked in without unlocking the door. "Excuse the mess. I clean on Saturday. Guys only care about the TV right. It's one of the biggest ones they make." She turned it on, walked into the kitchen. Mac sat down. She came back with two milk glasses three quarters full of Vodka and handed one to Mac. "Thanks."
"Your welcome."
She sat next to him, picked up the remote, found a station advertising a kitchen knife, took a drink and set her glass on the couch. "Take off your jacket and stay awhile."
"You should lock your door."
"I lose my keys alot. Sometimes I forget to leave the window open."
Mac took his jacket off, folded it and laid it on the couch. Maria moved and knocked her glass over. Mac picked up his jacket to late. Maria went into the kitchen and came back with a glass a little more full than the last. "I have to be more careful. This is it. No more." She cleared a spot on the table and placed her glass on it and laid down on the couch, her feet aginst Mac's leg. "Sorry about your jacket. How bad did I get it?"
"Pretty bad. Not to bad," Mac said and laughed.
"What do you do?"
"What you mean?"
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a cab driver, your cab driver."
"You don't seem like one. Drink up. I'll be right back."
Mac learned quite a bit about the best designed kitchen knife in the history of the world while he wondered how long he should sit around pretending to drink vodka. Maria appeared from the hall bottomless, hid behind the chair and peeked over the top. Mac smiled and waved. She ran down the hall. He followed her. She ran out of road and knelt against a door. She turned her back to him, turned her head. "Who are you?" She asked.
"You know who I am."
"What's your name?"
"You know my name. Mac if you forgot. I don't know your's."
"Maria," she said stood up walked past him, laid on the couch, placed both hands over her crotch and smiled. "Do you like what you see?"
"Very much. Very much. About the best thing I've ever seen."
"No lie?"
"Swear to God."
No bullshit, he thought.
Mac sat at a makeshift desk cleaning weed listening to The Golden Palominos. He received a message stuffed a pipe, took three hits, turned off the sterio, shuffled the weed on the desk into a bag and walked outside and jumped in a cab.
"Cab 1819," Mac said.
Mac lit a cigarette, waited for his pager to beeb. It went off, he read "Ritz Carlton 2401 E Camelback see bellhop."
He smiled, promising he thought, drove a half mile pulled into the parking lot, saw a girl making hand jesters to a man wearing a funny looking uniform. Mac rolled down the window,"did you call a cab," he asked and turned up the heater. The guy in the funny looking uniform pointed at the girl. "For her," he said.
"You called me a cab," she said and stumbled."I thought we were going to party."
She's pretty good looking or really good looking, Mac thought. "How drunk is she?" Mac asked.
"Really drunk," the girl said and laughed.
"And then some," the guy in the uniform said.
"You're coming home with me,"she said and grabbed his arm. She tried to drag him toward the cab. He escaped. "I have to work."
Mac laughed. "Where you headed?" He asked.
She pointed south east. "Over there."
The man in uniform leaned into the window. "Please get her out of here."
"If she wants to go and can tell me where she lives I'll take her."
"I told you where I live," she said, walked to the door and opened it. "Can I sit up here?" She sat in the car.
"I need something more specific than a general direction."
She smiled. "Of coarse you do. Let's move. This place let me down."
"Sorry to hear that. Over there," Mac said, and pointed south east.
She laughed. "Percisislly."
Mac turned the car around and headed south east.
"What time is it?"
"One thirty."
"They kicked me out of the bar. I was the only one in there and they kicked me out. They wouldn't put my drink in a to go glass.?
Mac laughed. It turned into a grin.
"You have a pretty smile. It isn't funny. They even kicked me out of the lobby. I didn't even want to be there. My friends met some boys from Colorado, I think and left me. I'm OK with that. I can take care of myself."
"I bet you can."
"I can. Turn left."
He turned left.
"Next right."
A couple turns latter they pulled up to a small red brick apartment.
"Mi casa."
"Nice place."
"It's not."
"It looks OK from here."
"Looks can be deceiving."
"True."
"What do I owe you Mac?"
"How you know my name?"
"Your name is Mac. I meant Mac like in would you like a drink Mac or hey Mac or how much do I owe you Mac?"
"Five bucks."
She handed him a twenty. "Keep it."
"Thanks a lot."
"I hope my friends are alright."
"They probably are."
"That's a bold statement Mac," she said and laughed. You never said if you would like a drink."
"Yeah. Why not?"
"I have half a bottle of vodka in my freezer."
"Sounds good."
"Absolute. A lot of people prefer Kettle One or Grey Goose. I do not."
"I don't either."
She smiled. "Come on."
Mac couldn't decide whether her face was pretty or cute. She wore cowgirl jeans that flattered her damn near perfect ass, a well made white blouse, hair short and well styled, nose damn near as perfect as her ass, brown eyes that looked sad even when she was laughing or smiling. He decided both. He followed her into a room. A giant TV dominated the space, dwarfing a couch and a chair placed to close to the TV and a small table covered with magazines an ashtray ashes and an assortment of garbage. She walked in without unlocking the door. "Excuse the mess. I clean on Saturday. Guys only care about the TV right. It's one of the biggest ones they make." She turned it on, walked into the kitchen. Mac sat down. She came back with two milk glasses three quarters full of Vodka and handed one to Mac. "Thanks."
"Your welcome."
She sat next to him, picked up the remote, found a station advertising a kitchen knife, took a drink and set her glass on the couch. "Take off your jacket and stay awhile."
"You should lock your door."
"I lose my keys alot. Sometimes I forget to leave the window open."
Mac took his jacket off, folded it and laid it on the couch. Maria moved and knocked her glass over. Mac picked up his jacket to late. Maria went into the kitchen and came back with a glass a little more full than the last. "I have to be more careful. This is it. No more." She cleared a spot on the table and placed her glass on it and laid down on the couch, her feet aginst Mac's leg. "Sorry about your jacket. How bad did I get it?"
"Pretty bad. Not to bad," Mac said and laughed.
"What do you do?"
"What you mean?"
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a cab driver, your cab driver."
"You don't seem like one. Drink up. I'll be right back."
Mac learned quite a bit about the best designed kitchen knife in the history of the world while he wondered how long he should sit around pretending to drink vodka. Maria appeared from the hall bottomless, hid behind the chair and peeked over the top. Mac smiled and waved. She ran down the hall. He followed her. She ran out of road and knelt against a door. She turned her back to him, turned her head. "Who are you?" She asked.
"You know who I am."
"What's your name?"
"You know my name. Mac if you forgot. I don't know your's."
"Maria," she said stood up walked past him, laid on the couch, placed both hands over her crotch and smiled. "Do you like what you see?"
"Very much. Very much. About the best thing I've ever seen."
"No lie?"
"Swear to God."
No bullshit, he thought.
1.26.2018
scoence
I don't know what I'm doing, I'm being paid so I plod along. I am following a women. I receive money every week in the mail. I have been following her for a month according to a notebook I carry.
I vaugly remember two weeks ago. Everyday after is clearer. I recollect yesterday like it was yesterday. I can't be sure about yesterday though due to my condition. It plays like a movie I haven't seen yet but know what will happen even though thoreitically it already has.
The book From Here To Eternity sits on a table beside my bed. There is a book mark on page 202. A set of car keys was sitting next to the book, at least they were two weeks ago. Inside the car I found a notebook with a diary. I traced the diary back two weeks and drove to a house and parked down the block. I think I took a walk behind the house. According to the notebook I carry binoculars and a pretty nice camera and climb a tree that gives me a great view of and in some spots into the girls house. She is small and pretty. Her house is imuculate according to what I see from the tree and wrote in the notebook.
The first day I remember following her she never left the house. I sat in the tree for an hour, walked back to the car and watched the house until about eleven PM and drove back to my apartment and wrote. She never left the house. I opened From Here To Eternity and read a few chapters while I drank from a bottle of whisky I found in the kitchen.
One night at about nine PM she left her house,drove to a hotel and had a drink with a woman. I followed them to an elevator. About fifteen minutes latter she walked through the lobby got in her car and drove outside the city to a semi mansion. She went inside and came out five minutes latter and drove home. She had a key or the door wasn't locked. What was that about? I wrote in my notebook.
About a week ago she went to a mall. I followed her from store to store. She left the mall with about five bags. I followed her home. Her bakyard is secluded. I climbed the tree and watched her fix a drink. She turned on a television. She finished the drink and went into a room I couldn't see, came out wearing one of her new outfits I presumed. She poured another drink made a phone call and vanished again. She appeared in another outfit finished her drink and turned the television back on. I watched her drink and watch TV for about an hour and went back to my car for a couple more hours and waited to see if she would go out. She didn't. I drove home, read for awhile,fell asleep and woke up hungover. My bottle of whisky was embty. I wrote in my notebooket get a bottle of whisky.
Yesterday I was having breakfast at a dinner I stop at every morning and a tall guy walked up to my table and asked, "are you still driving a taxi?"
"I'm not," I said.
"I called you about a ride about two months ago and you didn't answer," he said.
"Sorry."
"See you around."
I wrote cab driver? In my notebook. Not that it matters I thought.
While I was watching the house I revived a call from a guy named Barry who said he was in town and wanted to get together. I told him I was pretty free all the time and we decided to meet latter that night. I checked the contacts on my phone and there wasn't a Barry. I decided to meet him regardless. Nothing was happening at the house anyway. To be honest I wasn't and aren't sure I want to know what I forgot. It is kind of nice having a blank slate or at least one that only goes back two weeks. Before I left to meet Barry, she walked outside and walked around her front yard, stopped and looked in my direction. She couldn't see my car. I got out of the car and walked toward her. I didn't know what I was going to do or why I was doing it. When I was Parallel her driveway, she said, "sir, could you help me put a box in my trunk? I can't lift it."
"I would be glade too," I said and followed her into her house.
I came too on the floor in a hall. She was sitting on a chair casually holding a gun. "Why are you following me?"
My head hurt. I felt blood.
"You'll be fine."
"What did you hit me with?"
She kicked a tire iron across the floor in my direction.
"Why are you following me?"
"I'm being paid too."
"Who's paying you?"
"I'm not sure."
She stood up. "Sit in the chair. If you do anything I will shoot you," she said pointed the gun at me for an instant and smiled. She has a nice smile, I thought. I sat. "What do you mean you're not sure?"
"I don't know. I get an envolope in my mailbox with cash every monday."
She laughed. "I know who it is."
"Are you laughing cause it's funny or ironically cause you're pissed."
"You don't remember me?" She asked.
"I don't remember anyone or anything."
"That's farfetched."
"Maybe."
"Are you curious about how I figured out you were following me?"
"Not really. I do wonder if you saw my car when you walked outside?"
"I didn't."
"What were you doing outside?"
"I was looking to see if any of my niehbores was out in their yard and could help me put a box in my car."
"And it was just dumb luck that the guy who who's following you walked up?"
"Pretty wild huh?"
"I don't buy it."
"I could care less. You work for me now."
"I have to be somewhere in about an hour."
She laughed. "Your first job is to put a box in my car."
"I guess I don't have a choice."
"Follow me."
I followed her into an empty room except for a box. I went to pick it up. It was heavier than I thought. "What you got in there?" I asked.
"The prick paying you to follow me."
I laughed. "Bullshit."
"Believe what you want."
I placed the heavy box in her trunk. She told me to make my meeting and come back after. "How do you know I will?"
"You will. What else do you have to do?"
I met Barry in a bar. He was drinking a beer. I was forty five minutes late. He said he didn't mind. I ordered a whiskey on the rocks. He asked me if I heard about Beth? I told him I hadn't . He laughed. "You were in love with her."
"I was?"
"Her fourth husband shot up a grocery store and killed six people. He was an ex ranger. She always fell for the super solider lifers. This one was crazy. She shoulda settled for you."
"Sounds like she would have divorced me."
Barry laughed. "I'm still with Kim. Can you believe that."
I could. "How's Kim?"
"Fat as a fuckin' house."
I took a sip of my drink and watched a player hit a double on TV.
"I ran into Steve about six months ago. He's still with Trish. Weren't you in love with her too.?"
"I love em all I guess."
"He asked about you. I said I hadn't seen you in thirty years just like him and than a couple days latter I find you on face book. Trish was with him. She asked about you before he did while he was taking a piss." Barry Laughed. "Maybe you should look her up. Steve's as bald as me and Trish looks pretty good."
I took another sip and watched a guy drive the guy who doubled in.
"So what the hell you been up to CJ?"
"I'm a private detective of sorts."
"No shit."
"No shit."
"You know where to get any blow?"
"I don't."
"I figured you would."
"Sorry man."
"How about girls?"
"Girls?"
"Yeah girls."
"There's a whore house on 32nd Street."
"I knew you would be worth getting together with," Barry said, slapped my back and laughed. "Let's get the fuck outa here."
I drove him to the whore house and waited in the front room. A dog walked into the room and laid at my feet. I listened to a guy and a girl argue over a television. I thought why does she want me to stop by her house. Does she have a real reason or is she messing with me. I decided it doesn't matter and that I want to and I might be falling for her. I guess I fall for them all if Barry is to be believed. I laughed. The dog looked at me. I patted his head.
I gave Barry a ride to his hotel. On the way I learned that we were Paratroopers stationed at Fort Benning about thirty years ago. Beth was a Sargeant and Trish and Steve were also in our Company. Barry and I smoked a lot of dope and drank a lot and were always in trouble. Steve was a pussy, Beth was Kim's best friend and led me on and I fell for it. He also told me Ackerman was a narc and Rick was a crazy son of a bitch and a guy named Jack almost killed me cause I was fucking his wife Teri. Apparently he hit me on the back of my head with a shovel at a party. "That was a crazy fuckin' night," he said.
"Yeah I guess it was."
"Pick me up at seven tomarrow night we have some serious drinking to do."
"I'll try."
"What the fuck you mean I'll try."
"I mean I'll try. I might be busy."
"What hell's wrong with you. Meet me in the bar at seven. Don't be late this time."
"If I can I will." I truly want to hear more of the story of my life thirty years ago, I thought talking to Barry is like reading my autobiography.
"You have too. Otherwise I'll get drunk in the hotel bar and be bored as shit."
"I'll do my best. Tonight was interesting."
"Tomarrow night will be better."
I drove back to her house. All the lights were off, I wondered if I should knock on the door or go home or leave a note and drive home. I saw a flash, she said, "how'd it go?"
She was sitting on a lawn chair smoking. "FIne," I said.
"Who did you meet?"
"An Army buddy. Do you have another one of those?"
She handed me a cigarette. "Do you need a light too."
"I do."
She handed me a lighter.
"Do you mind?" I asked, pointing at a chair next to her.
"Be my guest."
"So you don't know who hired you to follow me?"
"I don't."
"What have you assertained?"
"Not much."
"And he's satisfied?"
"I guess."
"What have you told him?"
"I tell him or write on a paper and send to him what I observe."
"What have you observed?"
"Not much. I followed you to a hotel and than to a house a few nights ago give or take."
She smiled and laughed.
"Keep up the good work. I'll see you tomarrow."
She stood up flicked her cigarette in the street and went inside. I assumed she wanted me to continue following her or at least to act like I am. I liked the idea because I could continue collecting a check without the pressure of being found out since I already was. I did wonder what her aim is but figured I would know soon enough or not and at some point the shit would hit the fan one way or another and when it did I would have to adjust.
I went home, drank some whiskey and read until I fell assleep. In a dream I stood beside a river and watched people climb a small tree and dive into the shallow river. Someone asked me to join them. I declined. A girl walked up and asked me for a smoke. "I'll trade you," she said and handed me a beer. She looked at the guys gathered around the tree and said,"idiots."
"Where you been," I asked.
"I gave Kim and Barry a ride back to my house. I thought that wouldn't last." She laughed. "What do I know."
"Barry's smitten."
"So is Kim."
We both laughed.
"Isn't the water cold?" She asked.
"Ice cold."
"Idiots."
"Where's Wayne?"
"He has CQ. One of those morons is going to breack his neck."
"And than it won't be funny anymore."
"Knock that shit off," she yelled.
"You're not their Sargeant out here."
"Some of them look like they are in high school. Where did they come from."
"Beats me. Let's get out of here."
"And go where?"
"Your house."
"That would not be appropriate."
"How bout D Fords?"
"We could do that. One of you morons is going to breack your neck," she yelled.
"You're not our mother Beth," someone yelled.
"Shut the fuck up Brown," Beth yelled.
I laughed. We walked to her car. "You should tell Sargeant Wilson you want to go to Fort Hood next month. I need a packer. It could be fun. You ever been to Juarez?"
We went to D Fords and drank to much, I woke up looked at a clock and felt like shit.
The next morning at the dinner the waitress said, "you look rough."
"I had a weird dream."
"What will you have?"
I ordered and ate a big breakfast and drove to her house and parked in my usual spot. I watched the house, fell assleep, woke up, went into her backyard and climbed a tree. I watched her sit on her sofa and read for awhile. She walked outside, noticed me and asked, "What are you doing?"
"The best way to appear to be doing something is doing it."
"What if I was masterbating?"
I laughed. "I wish you were."
"Get down."
I de treed.
"You look like shit."
"I had a strange dream."
"What was strange about it?"
"I think it acctully happened."
"What's strange about that?"
"Maybe strange isn't the right word."
"What word is?"
"I don't know. I drank a lot. Maybe I'm making more out of it than is really there."
"You probably are."
"Probably."
"You want to get high?"
"Why not."
We smoked some weed, did a few lines of coke and watched a Jenifer Lopez movie.
"That was stupid," she said.
"I like Jenifer Lopez."
We did another line. "I should go back to my car and act like I'm working.
She laughed. "You think someone is watching you watch me?"
"You never know."
"Wouldn't your cover be blown already?"
"That's a fair point."
"Do whatever you want."
"I'd rather stay here."
"Be my guest. I'm taking a shower."
I was sitting in a motel room drinking Jack Daniels out of the bottle watching a baseball game. Someone knocked. I opened the door. A pretty girl smiled. "You look like someone kicked your ass," she said and laughed. "I have about four hours. Pour me a drink." I found a plastic glass in the bathroom and poured whiskey in it and handed it to her. "Get some ice and a coke. I can't drink this." I killed the glass and found the ice machine and a soda machine. I poured her a drink. "That's better. How long have you been here?"
"A while. I'm not sure. Pretty long I think."
"You're a mess." She smiled. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Who's playing?"
"What?"
She pointed at the TV. "Who's playing.
"Oh, I'm not sure. Do you like baseball?"
"It's OK. Not really."
"We can watch something else."
"It's fine." She took off her shoes and laid on the bed. I grabbed the bottle and laid beside her.
"I think Jack is getting suspicious,"she said.
"Based on what?"
"A feeling."
"Do you want to cool it?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
She smiled. "Yes I'm sure CJ."
"I don't want to cause you trouble."
"That's sweet CJ. I can handle it. Are you scared."
Kind of, I thought. Jack would have the advantage of righteous anger. "A feeling," I said.
I woke up. She was sitting next to me reading. "You were out cold."
"What time is it?"
She picked up her phone. "Six fifteen."
"Fuck. I'm going to be late if I don't get my shit together."
I asked her if she would sell me some coke. She filled up a vile from a large bag and tossed it to me. She wouldn't take my money. She said it grows on trees and laughed. I thanked her and went to meet Barry. I was fifteen minutes late. He was talking to a unattractive girl,didn't mind that I was tardy and was thrilled when I showed him the coke. The three of us went up to his room and did a couple lines. I asked what he wanted to do, he said he wanted Sherry to give him a blow job. I thought he has the sex drive of a much younger man if he needed a blow job from the unattractive girl before we had a chance to strike out although one in the pot is sometimes better than two in the Forrest. I told him I would meet him in the bar.
I vaugly remember two weeks ago. Everyday after is clearer. I recollect yesterday like it was yesterday. I can't be sure about yesterday though due to my condition. It plays like a movie I haven't seen yet but know what will happen even though thoreitically it already has.
The book From Here To Eternity sits on a table beside my bed. There is a book mark on page 202. A set of car keys was sitting next to the book, at least they were two weeks ago. Inside the car I found a notebook with a diary. I traced the diary back two weeks and drove to a house and parked down the block. I think I took a walk behind the house. According to the notebook I carry binoculars and a pretty nice camera and climb a tree that gives me a great view of and in some spots into the girls house. She is small and pretty. Her house is imuculate according to what I see from the tree and wrote in the notebook.
The first day I remember following her she never left the house. I sat in the tree for an hour, walked back to the car and watched the house until about eleven PM and drove back to my apartment and wrote. She never left the house. I opened From Here To Eternity and read a few chapters while I drank from a bottle of whisky I found in the kitchen.
One night at about nine PM she left her house,drove to a hotel and had a drink with a woman. I followed them to an elevator. About fifteen minutes latter she walked through the lobby got in her car and drove outside the city to a semi mansion. She went inside and came out five minutes latter and drove home. She had a key or the door wasn't locked. What was that about? I wrote in my notebook.
About a week ago she went to a mall. I followed her from store to store. She left the mall with about five bags. I followed her home. Her bakyard is secluded. I climbed the tree and watched her fix a drink. She turned on a television. She finished the drink and went into a room I couldn't see, came out wearing one of her new outfits I presumed. She poured another drink made a phone call and vanished again. She appeared in another outfit finished her drink and turned the television back on. I watched her drink and watch TV for about an hour and went back to my car for a couple more hours and waited to see if she would go out. She didn't. I drove home, read for awhile,fell asleep and woke up hungover. My bottle of whisky was embty. I wrote in my notebooket get a bottle of whisky.
Yesterday I was having breakfast at a dinner I stop at every morning and a tall guy walked up to my table and asked, "are you still driving a taxi?"
"I'm not," I said.
"I called you about a ride about two months ago and you didn't answer," he said.
"Sorry."
"See you around."
I wrote cab driver? In my notebook. Not that it matters I thought.
While I was watching the house I revived a call from a guy named Barry who said he was in town and wanted to get together. I told him I was pretty free all the time and we decided to meet latter that night. I checked the contacts on my phone and there wasn't a Barry. I decided to meet him regardless. Nothing was happening at the house anyway. To be honest I wasn't and aren't sure I want to know what I forgot. It is kind of nice having a blank slate or at least one that only goes back two weeks. Before I left to meet Barry, she walked outside and walked around her front yard, stopped and looked in my direction. She couldn't see my car. I got out of the car and walked toward her. I didn't know what I was going to do or why I was doing it. When I was Parallel her driveway, she said, "sir, could you help me put a box in my trunk? I can't lift it."
"I would be glade too," I said and followed her into her house.
I came too on the floor in a hall. She was sitting on a chair casually holding a gun. "Why are you following me?"
My head hurt. I felt blood.
"You'll be fine."
"What did you hit me with?"
She kicked a tire iron across the floor in my direction.
"Why are you following me?"
"I'm being paid too."
"Who's paying you?"
"I'm not sure."
She stood up. "Sit in the chair. If you do anything I will shoot you," she said pointed the gun at me for an instant and smiled. She has a nice smile, I thought. I sat. "What do you mean you're not sure?"
"I don't know. I get an envolope in my mailbox with cash every monday."
She laughed. "I know who it is."
"Are you laughing cause it's funny or ironically cause you're pissed."
"You don't remember me?" She asked.
"I don't remember anyone or anything."
"That's farfetched."
"Maybe."
"Are you curious about how I figured out you were following me?"
"Not really. I do wonder if you saw my car when you walked outside?"
"I didn't."
"What were you doing outside?"
"I was looking to see if any of my niehbores was out in their yard and could help me put a box in my car."
"And it was just dumb luck that the guy who who's following you walked up?"
"Pretty wild huh?"
"I don't buy it."
"I could care less. You work for me now."
"I have to be somewhere in about an hour."
She laughed. "Your first job is to put a box in my car."
"I guess I don't have a choice."
"Follow me."
I followed her into an empty room except for a box. I went to pick it up. It was heavier than I thought. "What you got in there?" I asked.
"The prick paying you to follow me."
I laughed. "Bullshit."
"Believe what you want."
I placed the heavy box in her trunk. She told me to make my meeting and come back after. "How do you know I will?"
"You will. What else do you have to do?"
I met Barry in a bar. He was drinking a beer. I was forty five minutes late. He said he didn't mind. I ordered a whiskey on the rocks. He asked me if I heard about Beth? I told him I hadn't . He laughed. "You were in love with her."
"I was?"
"Her fourth husband shot up a grocery store and killed six people. He was an ex ranger. She always fell for the super solider lifers. This one was crazy. She shoulda settled for you."
"Sounds like she would have divorced me."
Barry laughed. "I'm still with Kim. Can you believe that."
I could. "How's Kim?"
"Fat as a fuckin' house."
I took a sip of my drink and watched a player hit a double on TV.
"I ran into Steve about six months ago. He's still with Trish. Weren't you in love with her too.?"
"I love em all I guess."
"He asked about you. I said I hadn't seen you in thirty years just like him and than a couple days latter I find you on face book. Trish was with him. She asked about you before he did while he was taking a piss." Barry Laughed. "Maybe you should look her up. Steve's as bald as me and Trish looks pretty good."
I took another sip and watched a guy drive the guy who doubled in.
"So what the hell you been up to CJ?"
"I'm a private detective of sorts."
"No shit."
"No shit."
"You know where to get any blow?"
"I don't."
"I figured you would."
"Sorry man."
"How about girls?"
"Girls?"
"Yeah girls."
"There's a whore house on 32nd Street."
"I knew you would be worth getting together with," Barry said, slapped my back and laughed. "Let's get the fuck outa here."
I drove him to the whore house and waited in the front room. A dog walked into the room and laid at my feet. I listened to a guy and a girl argue over a television. I thought why does she want me to stop by her house. Does she have a real reason or is she messing with me. I decided it doesn't matter and that I want to and I might be falling for her. I guess I fall for them all if Barry is to be believed. I laughed. The dog looked at me. I patted his head.
I gave Barry a ride to his hotel. On the way I learned that we were Paratroopers stationed at Fort Benning about thirty years ago. Beth was a Sargeant and Trish and Steve were also in our Company. Barry and I smoked a lot of dope and drank a lot and were always in trouble. Steve was a pussy, Beth was Kim's best friend and led me on and I fell for it. He also told me Ackerman was a narc and Rick was a crazy son of a bitch and a guy named Jack almost killed me cause I was fucking his wife Teri. Apparently he hit me on the back of my head with a shovel at a party. "That was a crazy fuckin' night," he said.
"Yeah I guess it was."
"Pick me up at seven tomarrow night we have some serious drinking to do."
"I'll try."
"What the fuck you mean I'll try."
"I mean I'll try. I might be busy."
"What hell's wrong with you. Meet me in the bar at seven. Don't be late this time."
"If I can I will." I truly want to hear more of the story of my life thirty years ago, I thought talking to Barry is like reading my autobiography.
"You have too. Otherwise I'll get drunk in the hotel bar and be bored as shit."
"I'll do my best. Tonight was interesting."
"Tomarrow night will be better."
I drove back to her house. All the lights were off, I wondered if I should knock on the door or go home or leave a note and drive home. I saw a flash, she said, "how'd it go?"
She was sitting on a lawn chair smoking. "FIne," I said.
"Who did you meet?"
"An Army buddy. Do you have another one of those?"
She handed me a cigarette. "Do you need a light too."
"I do."
She handed me a lighter.
"Do you mind?" I asked, pointing at a chair next to her.
"Be my guest."
"So you don't know who hired you to follow me?"
"I don't."
"What have you assertained?"
"Not much."
"And he's satisfied?"
"I guess."
"What have you told him?"
"I tell him or write on a paper and send to him what I observe."
"What have you observed?"
"Not much. I followed you to a hotel and than to a house a few nights ago give or take."
She smiled and laughed.
"Keep up the good work. I'll see you tomarrow."
She stood up flicked her cigarette in the street and went inside. I assumed she wanted me to continue following her or at least to act like I am. I liked the idea because I could continue collecting a check without the pressure of being found out since I already was. I did wonder what her aim is but figured I would know soon enough or not and at some point the shit would hit the fan one way or another and when it did I would have to adjust.
I went home, drank some whiskey and read until I fell assleep. In a dream I stood beside a river and watched people climb a small tree and dive into the shallow river. Someone asked me to join them. I declined. A girl walked up and asked me for a smoke. "I'll trade you," she said and handed me a beer. She looked at the guys gathered around the tree and said,"idiots."
"Where you been," I asked.
"I gave Kim and Barry a ride back to my house. I thought that wouldn't last." She laughed. "What do I know."
"Barry's smitten."
"So is Kim."
We both laughed.
"Isn't the water cold?" She asked.
"Ice cold."
"Idiots."
"Where's Wayne?"
"He has CQ. One of those morons is going to breack his neck."
"And than it won't be funny anymore."
"Knock that shit off," she yelled.
"You're not their Sargeant out here."
"Some of them look like they are in high school. Where did they come from."
"Beats me. Let's get out of here."
"And go where?"
"Your house."
"That would not be appropriate."
"How bout D Fords?"
"We could do that. One of you morons is going to breack your neck," she yelled.
"You're not our mother Beth," someone yelled.
"Shut the fuck up Brown," Beth yelled.
I laughed. We walked to her car. "You should tell Sargeant Wilson you want to go to Fort Hood next month. I need a packer. It could be fun. You ever been to Juarez?"
We went to D Fords and drank to much, I woke up looked at a clock and felt like shit.
The next morning at the dinner the waitress said, "you look rough."
"I had a weird dream."
"What will you have?"
I ordered and ate a big breakfast and drove to her house and parked in my usual spot. I watched the house, fell assleep, woke up, went into her backyard and climbed a tree. I watched her sit on her sofa and read for awhile. She walked outside, noticed me and asked, "What are you doing?"
"The best way to appear to be doing something is doing it."
"What if I was masterbating?"
I laughed. "I wish you were."
"Get down."
I de treed.
"You look like shit."
"I had a strange dream."
"What was strange about it?"
"I think it acctully happened."
"What's strange about that?"
"Maybe strange isn't the right word."
"What word is?"
"I don't know. I drank a lot. Maybe I'm making more out of it than is really there."
"You probably are."
"Probably."
"You want to get high?"
"Why not."
We smoked some weed, did a few lines of coke and watched a Jenifer Lopez movie.
"That was stupid," she said.
"I like Jenifer Lopez."
We did another line. "I should go back to my car and act like I'm working.
She laughed. "You think someone is watching you watch me?"
"You never know."
"Wouldn't your cover be blown already?"
"That's a fair point."
"Do whatever you want."
"I'd rather stay here."
"Be my guest. I'm taking a shower."
I was sitting in a motel room drinking Jack Daniels out of the bottle watching a baseball game. Someone knocked. I opened the door. A pretty girl smiled. "You look like someone kicked your ass," she said and laughed. "I have about four hours. Pour me a drink." I found a plastic glass in the bathroom and poured whiskey in it and handed it to her. "Get some ice and a coke. I can't drink this." I killed the glass and found the ice machine and a soda machine. I poured her a drink. "That's better. How long have you been here?"
"A while. I'm not sure. Pretty long I think."
"You're a mess." She smiled. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Who's playing?"
"What?"
She pointed at the TV. "Who's playing.
"Oh, I'm not sure. Do you like baseball?"
"It's OK. Not really."
"We can watch something else."
"It's fine." She took off her shoes and laid on the bed. I grabbed the bottle and laid beside her.
"I think Jack is getting suspicious,"she said.
"Based on what?"
"A feeling."
"Do you want to cool it?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
She smiled. "Yes I'm sure CJ."
"I don't want to cause you trouble."
"That's sweet CJ. I can handle it. Are you scared."
Kind of, I thought. Jack would have the advantage of righteous anger. "A feeling," I said.
I woke up. She was sitting next to me reading. "You were out cold."
"What time is it?"
She picked up her phone. "Six fifteen."
"Fuck. I'm going to be late if I don't get my shit together."
I asked her if she would sell me some coke. She filled up a vile from a large bag and tossed it to me. She wouldn't take my money. She said it grows on trees and laughed. I thanked her and went to meet Barry. I was fifteen minutes late. He was talking to a unattractive girl,didn't mind that I was tardy and was thrilled when I showed him the coke. The three of us went up to his room and did a couple lines. I asked what he wanted to do, he said he wanted Sherry to give him a blow job. I thought he has the sex drive of a much younger man if he needed a blow job from the unattractive girl before we had a chance to strike out although one in the pot is sometimes better than two in the Forrest. I told him I would meet him in the bar.
12.02.2017
Black And White And Colors
When I was a kid
I saw everything in black and white
And I was wrong as much as right
I spent some time in the army
A couple decades in collage
Closed a lot of bars
Before during and after
Searched for somethings that probably did not exist
Started to see some color
Perspective
And am still wrong about half the time
So I would take what I say with a grain of salt
I saw everything in black and white
And I was wrong as much as right
I spent some time in the army
A couple decades in collage
Closed a lot of bars
Before during and after
Searched for somethings that probably did not exist
Started to see some color
Perspective
And am still wrong about half the time
So I would take what I say with a grain of salt
9.02.2017
Don't Scare The Dogs
I was playing my brothers guitar
He told me to write a song about Jeff Tweedy
Two chords
Dealers choice
I met Jeff Tweedy in a bar
He was singing I was drinking
He called me an asshole
I said yes sir I am
And I hate Wilco
But I used to love Uncle tupelo
I hate Wilco
I used to love Uncle Tupelo
I hate Wilco
But I kinda like Son Volt
Truth be told I think Wilco is a fine band.
He told me to write a song about Jeff Tweedy
Two chords
Dealers choice
I met Jeff Tweedy in a bar
He was singing I was drinking
He called me an asshole
I said yes sir I am
And I hate Wilco
But I used to love Uncle tupelo
I hate Wilco
I used to love Uncle Tupelo
I hate Wilco
But I kinda like Son Volt
Truth be told I think Wilco is a fine band.
2.14.2017
Mac Turner sat in a folding chair drinking a can of coke, eating a bag of potato chips, staring at blank glass. When Detective Williams returned to the room he asked for a cigarette.
"No smoking."
"How long will this take?"
"As long as it does. So you were a Ranger?"
"Yeah."
"You suffer from that PSTD?"
"PTSD. No I do not" Mac laughed.
"What's funny?"
Mac stopped laughing. "Come to think of it nothing."
"I should kick Your ass."
"I'm sitting right here."
About a month before he mustered out of the Army Mac went to a bar in Columbus with his buddy Wade Brown. Wade was trying to convince him to re up.
Mac and Wade had been friends since basic training. Wade told him there's a war coming around the bend. "I can feel it."
Mac grinned. "You might be right and I don't care."
"I call bull shit."
Mac laughed.
"Grenada was the most fun we ever had."
"It was embarrassing."
Wade laughed. "You have a point. But there's another one coming trust me."
"Bla bla bla."
"What the hell else you gonna do?"
"Go to collage."
"That's funny."
"I know."
A couple months before Mac flipped his life upside down he met a girl on the fourth of July at Lake Eufaula.
She was sitting alone on the grass watching the fireworks. He sat down beside her and asked if she wanted a beer. "OK," she said.
He handed her a can. "What's a pretty girl like you doing sitting here by yourself?"
She laughed. "My friend ditched me for a guy. They're over there," she said and pointed at a cluster of trees. "Or they were."
"Where are you from?" Mac asked, lit a cigarette and opened a can of beer.
She opened her can, took a sip and pointed across the Lake. "Right there, you can almost see it. Can I have one?"
He handed her a cigarette and lit it.
"You're in the Army?"
He nodded. "Yeah I am."
"How do you like it?"
He chuckled.
"I like Army guys."
"Why's that?"
"I don't know. You have a job and it's kind of important. I don't know. I just do. That was a good one," she said and pointed at the sky.
"Yeah it was," Mac said. They smoked, drank and looked up.
"I love the fourth of July," she said.
"Patriotic?"
"Not really. It's summer and the fireworks here are so great and everyone sits beside the lake."
Mac laid down. She did as well. They watched the climax. "That was awesome," she said.
"It was pretty neat."
"Pretty neat," she said and laughed.
"Do you work?"
"Sometimes."
Wade walked up."We're taking off," he said.
"I'll give you a ride," she said.
Wade smiled. "You're a lucky dog," he said.
"Damn right he is," she said.
When Mac reflected on that night he always thought it was the best time he ever had.
"If you don't give up your accomplices this is going to go down hill real fast," Detective Robinson said."
"Where's your friend?" Mac asked.
"He's not my friend. He's my partner."
"That makes me like you a little better. Is this good cop bad cop bullshit?"
"It's if you give up your partners we can make a deal."
"No deal."
"You are looking at serious jail time."
"I know."
"How come you haven't asked for a a lawyer?"
"What good would a lawyer do me?"
"Not much."
"I'm not telling you anything."
"That's not smart."
"So be it."
They walked about a third of the way around the lake to her parents house. It was a semi mansion surrounded by trees on a substantial lot. There were three cars in the driveway. "Wait here," she said. I have to change and get my keys. Stand over there behind those trees."
"Wait one second. I want to get one last look at you in that bikini," Mac said.
She laughed and posed suggestively for a moment before going in the house. That will do, Mac thought.
She returned. "Do you want to drive?" she asked.
"Up to you." She tossed him the keys. They stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey and a six pack of beer and Coke. She directed him to a motel about half way from where they were and where he had to be in the morning. He wasnt sure how he would get there or if he even cared if he did or whether it really mattered."They have patios and a killer view," she said.
"Sounds great."
"Do you have money?"
"I have enough."
"Get us a room."
The room wasn't fancy but it was nice. She opened the back door. "Come out here," she said. He obliged. She kissed him. "What do you think?" she asked.
"It's nice," he said.
"Why don't you get some ice and I'll make us drinks."
They sat on the patio and smoked and drank for about an hour. "Let's go to bed," she said. "The night's getting away from us."
They made love. Mac fixed them each a drink. He turned on the television and laid beside her. "What's your name?" she asked.
"Mac."
"I'm Mary."
Mac laughed. "I hadn't realized we didn't know each others name."
Mary smiled. "Now we do. Nice to meet you Mac," she said and laughed.
Mac continued laughing. "Yeah it was great."
Mac yelled, "I'll cover you," and threw off a few series of three round bursts. Wade was fifty yards closer to the car Mary was waiting in.
"Fuck that. You come to me. I'll cover you," Wade yelled and aimed his rifle and started firing rounds over the heads of entrenched officers. Pivoted and repeated.
"I won't make it. Get her out of here," Mac yelled and methodically opened a door for Wade to wiggle through. Wade hesitated for a second before realizing that Mac was right and ran toward the car. When Mac saw the car leaving he kept up the cover fire until it did the car no further good. He put the rifle down and waited for cops to offer him a chance to surrender. When they did he accepted their conditions and trusted Wade to get Mary out of trouble. He knew if he was in Wades position he could do it and that Wade was his equal in situations like the one he was presently in.
Mac woke in his cell from a dream that was also reality and thought about Wade and Mary pulling over and deciding what to do next. They knew he wouldn't rat them out however only a fool would count on that they also must have realized the game was up. They concluded leaving the city was their best option according to the letters Mary sent him after he was sentenced and incarnated. She told him they cashed out and drove to Wades parents house in Michigan and hung out their until she became bored and flew to Phoenix to visit her sister and wait. She said she hasn't seen Wade since he took her to the airport. She contacted a lawyer who put her in touch with a money man who concocted a way for her to buy a house outside of Phoenix. She applied for a part time job at a Jewelry store and worked two days a week and started to wait for him to get out of jail. We can take up where we left off she wrote. Behave yourself so you can get out early, she added. It seemed kind of far fetched to Mac however it also gave him something to look forward too. They would have enough money to do as they pleased as long as they didn't think to big.
"I have one more question," Sargent Robinson said.
"I'll answer if I can," Mac said.
"Why did you aim over their heads?"
"It wasn't their fault I ended up on that street up shit creek."
"Well I thank you for that."
Mac chuckled. "You're welcome. It would have made it worse for everyone involved."
On the way to Michigan Wade stopped at a bar in Ohio or Indiana or Wisconsin and Mary and Wade were drunk and stumbled across the parking lot to a motel and Mary tried to give Wade a kiss. He rebuffed her and they slept on separate beds and woke up and continued their journey. "Why didn't you kiss me back," she asked. He didn't answer. "I know you wanted too. It wouldn't have meant anything out side the hear and the now at the time."
"I'm not going to Fuck my best friends girl after he sacrificed himself so we could get away."
"That's nobel. But you wanted too right."
"Of coarse I did."
"You should have as I said it wouldn't have meant anything."
Wade laughed. "In the here and the now at the time."
"The reason it wouldnt mean anythig is I love Mac."
"That's another reason not to have done it. Is there any beer left?"
She handed him a can. "Or a reason to have."
Mary sat in her house and wondered why she offered herself to Wade. It wasn't physical. She thought he was kind of attractive and a OK guy but that wasn't reason enough at the time. I was probably scared, she thought and poured a glass of wine. She had a few sort of boyfriends since she arrived in Phoenix but anytime she or the guy started getting serious she sabatoged the relationship. She needed a man sometimes and sometimes she didn't but in her own way remained loyal to Mac. Mac was the only guy she ever truly wanted or needed and somehow she knew that the moment he asked her if she wanted a beer.
Mac was shooting hoops. Washington walked up picked up the ball under the basket and tossed it to Mac. "You think you're Lary Bird?" Washington asked.
Mac laughed.
"So you were a Ranger?" Washington said.
Mac passed Washington the ball. Washington threw it back, Mac hit a high arching shot from the top of the key.
"Not bad for a white boy," Washington said.
"What do you want?" Mac said, received a pass and sunk another.
"I have a problem you might be able to help me with"
"I'm not interested."
"How you know that?"
Mac chuckled. "I'll take my chances," he said and walked to a bench and sat down. Washington followed him.
"So make your pitch."
Washington took a seat and told him about a snitch that arrived a couple days prior that he needed takin care of and that he had an endless supply of weed and that he would be able to arrange a monthly vist of a girl that he knew and he could also get him a room to spend a couple hours alone with her.
Mac laughed.
"So what say you brother?" Washington asked.
"I'm not your brother."
Washington grinned. "So you ain't."
"Give me the specs."
"The specs standin' there by the fence talkin' to the midget."
"Big kid."
"That a problem."
"Not really."
"Didn't think so. Besides he's a pussy."
Mac laughed. "Why don't you do it then?"
Washington smiled. "Cause I'm the head nigger in charge."
"You better fuckin' be."
Diane Lacy sat in a room and waited. She lit a cigarette and opened a magazine. A guard opened a door and a man walked into the room. He sat across from her and offered his hand to shake. "Mac," he said. She took his hand and said, "I'm Diane."
"How do you know Washington?" Mac asked.
"He's my cousin."
Diane stood, walked across the room, stopped beside a bed, dropped her cigarette on the floor and took off her blouse. "How do you know him?"
Mac lit a cigarette. Diane finished undressing and turned around. She completed a circle. "Do you like what you see?"
"I didn't think this through," Mac said.
Diane laid on the bed. "Didn't think what through?"
Mac stood, picked up a chair, walked across the room and sat beside the bed. "Are you a hooker?"
Diane laughed. "Why should I answer your questions when you don't answer mine?"
"I don't really know him. To be honest he used me. And I do like what I see."
Diane smiled. "It's not hard. I wasn't a hooker until five minutes ago." She giggled. "It's not so bad."
"Why are you doing it?"
"That's a good question. I wasn't asked. I was told, but I need the money anyway. And Richard told me your cool." Diane smiled. "So are you?"
Mac laughed. "So cool I'm ice cold."
"Why don't you let me thaw you out."
Mary was bored and lonely. She was sitting in a bar getting hit on by a cute but idiotic guy who bought her enough drinks to get drunk but she cut him off before she dropped her standards. But only just barley, she thought, walked outside, got in her car and saw a pay phone. She called Wade. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. What do you want?"
"I want you to vist me. Or let me vist you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Why are you such an asshole."
"I'll see you tomarrow."
"Really?"
"Why not."
Wade called Mary from the airport and asked for her address. She told him she would pick him up . He told her, he rented a car. She gave him her address but told him to meet her at a bar. The bar was on the corner of the street he would take a left on to get to her house anyway, she said. Wade drove around Phoenix for awhile to become aquanted with the city. The only thing he liked about travaling is seeing the places he travaled to and he always spent time looking for the character of it. He liked doing that alone. If you are with someone you get distracted. He took the freeway to the end of the city and about ten miles beyond. He stopped at a bar, had a beer and listened to a couple of fake cowboys talk about how fucked up the country is. He paid his bill and said, "if it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"What?" One of the fake cowboys said.
"If it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up and go back where you came from." The other fake cowboy said.
"I just might," Wade said, left a five dollar bill under his empty bottle, walked outside and stared at a mountain that looked kind of like an Indians face.
"Hey asshole."
Wade turned around and grinned.
"You think you can just waltz in here insult us and go on your merry way."
"Yeah, I thought I could."
"Well you can't."
The fake cowboy took a swing, Wade ducked, kneed him in the balls and brought his elbow up into his nose. The fake cowboy fell hard on the pavement. His friend threw a wild punch Wade avoided and he repeated almost exactly what he'd done about five seconds before. "You rednecks had enough?" I shouldn't have done this. Although it's no skin off my teeth. Why am I in such a bad mood. I know why I'm in such a bad mood, Wade thought.
"What took you so long?" Mary said, ran up to Wade and gave him a kiss.
"I got lost."
"On purpose."
Wade kissed her again. I ain't going to fight it anymore, he thought.
"I'm already drunk."
"That's OK."
"Where did you get lost?"
"A place called New River."
"That place sucks."
"You been there?"
"Once. A friend of mine grew up there and I tagged along with her to a party. How did you end up there?"
"I'm was checking out the lay of the land. That's where the car took me."
"The car took you?"
"Yeah."
"Let's get out of here. I have everything at my house we need."
"Everything?"
"Everthing."
"No smoking."
"How long will this take?"
"As long as it does. So you were a Ranger?"
"Yeah."
"You suffer from that PSTD?"
"PTSD. No I do not" Mac laughed.
"What's funny?"
Mac stopped laughing. "Come to think of it nothing."
"I should kick Your ass."
"I'm sitting right here."
About a month before he mustered out of the Army Mac went to a bar in Columbus with his buddy Wade Brown. Wade was trying to convince him to re up.
Mac and Wade had been friends since basic training. Wade told him there's a war coming around the bend. "I can feel it."
Mac grinned. "You might be right and I don't care."
"I call bull shit."
Mac laughed.
"Grenada was the most fun we ever had."
"It was embarrassing."
Wade laughed. "You have a point. But there's another one coming trust me."
"Bla bla bla."
"What the hell else you gonna do?"
"Go to collage."
"That's funny."
"I know."
A couple months before Mac flipped his life upside down he met a girl on the fourth of July at Lake Eufaula.
She was sitting alone on the grass watching the fireworks. He sat down beside her and asked if she wanted a beer. "OK," she said.
He handed her a can. "What's a pretty girl like you doing sitting here by yourself?"
She laughed. "My friend ditched me for a guy. They're over there," she said and pointed at a cluster of trees. "Or they were."
"Where are you from?" Mac asked, lit a cigarette and opened a can of beer.
She opened her can, took a sip and pointed across the Lake. "Right there, you can almost see it. Can I have one?"
He handed her a cigarette and lit it.
"You're in the Army?"
He nodded. "Yeah I am."
"How do you like it?"
He chuckled.
"I like Army guys."
"Why's that?"
"I don't know. You have a job and it's kind of important. I don't know. I just do. That was a good one," she said and pointed at the sky.
"Yeah it was," Mac said. They smoked, drank and looked up.
"I love the fourth of July," she said.
"Patriotic?"
"Not really. It's summer and the fireworks here are so great and everyone sits beside the lake."
Mac laid down. She did as well. They watched the climax. "That was awesome," she said.
"It was pretty neat."
"Pretty neat," she said and laughed.
"Do you work?"
"Sometimes."
Wade walked up."We're taking off," he said.
"I'll give you a ride," she said.
Wade smiled. "You're a lucky dog," he said.
"Damn right he is," she said.
When Mac reflected on that night he always thought it was the best time he ever had.
"If you don't give up your accomplices this is going to go down hill real fast," Detective Robinson said."
"Where's your friend?" Mac asked.
"He's not my friend. He's my partner."
"That makes me like you a little better. Is this good cop bad cop bullshit?"
"It's if you give up your partners we can make a deal."
"No deal."
"You are looking at serious jail time."
"I know."
"How come you haven't asked for a a lawyer?"
"What good would a lawyer do me?"
"Not much."
"I'm not telling you anything."
"That's not smart."
"So be it."
They walked about a third of the way around the lake to her parents house. It was a semi mansion surrounded by trees on a substantial lot. There were three cars in the driveway. "Wait here," she said. I have to change and get my keys. Stand over there behind those trees."
"Wait one second. I want to get one last look at you in that bikini," Mac said.
She laughed and posed suggestively for a moment before going in the house. That will do, Mac thought.
She returned. "Do you want to drive?" she asked.
"Up to you." She tossed him the keys. They stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey and a six pack of beer and Coke. She directed him to a motel about half way from where they were and where he had to be in the morning. He wasnt sure how he would get there or if he even cared if he did or whether it really mattered."They have patios and a killer view," she said.
"Sounds great."
"Do you have money?"
"I have enough."
"Get us a room."
The room wasn't fancy but it was nice. She opened the back door. "Come out here," she said. He obliged. She kissed him. "What do you think?" she asked.
"It's nice," he said.
"Why don't you get some ice and I'll make us drinks."
They sat on the patio and smoked and drank for about an hour. "Let's go to bed," she said. "The night's getting away from us."
They made love. Mac fixed them each a drink. He turned on the television and laid beside her. "What's your name?" she asked.
"Mac."
"I'm Mary."
Mac laughed. "I hadn't realized we didn't know each others name."
Mary smiled. "Now we do. Nice to meet you Mac," she said and laughed.
Mac continued laughing. "Yeah it was great."
Mac yelled, "I'll cover you," and threw off a few series of three round bursts. Wade was fifty yards closer to the car Mary was waiting in.
"Fuck that. You come to me. I'll cover you," Wade yelled and aimed his rifle and started firing rounds over the heads of entrenched officers. Pivoted and repeated.
"I won't make it. Get her out of here," Mac yelled and methodically opened a door for Wade to wiggle through. Wade hesitated for a second before realizing that Mac was right and ran toward the car. When Mac saw the car leaving he kept up the cover fire until it did the car no further good. He put the rifle down and waited for cops to offer him a chance to surrender. When they did he accepted their conditions and trusted Wade to get Mary out of trouble. He knew if he was in Wades position he could do it and that Wade was his equal in situations like the one he was presently in.
Mac woke in his cell from a dream that was also reality and thought about Wade and Mary pulling over and deciding what to do next. They knew he wouldn't rat them out however only a fool would count on that they also must have realized the game was up. They concluded leaving the city was their best option according to the letters Mary sent him after he was sentenced and incarnated. She told him they cashed out and drove to Wades parents house in Michigan and hung out their until she became bored and flew to Phoenix to visit her sister and wait. She said she hasn't seen Wade since he took her to the airport. She contacted a lawyer who put her in touch with a money man who concocted a way for her to buy a house outside of Phoenix. She applied for a part time job at a Jewelry store and worked two days a week and started to wait for him to get out of jail. We can take up where we left off she wrote. Behave yourself so you can get out early, she added. It seemed kind of far fetched to Mac however it also gave him something to look forward too. They would have enough money to do as they pleased as long as they didn't think to big.
"I have one more question," Sargent Robinson said.
"I'll answer if I can," Mac said.
"Why did you aim over their heads?"
"It wasn't their fault I ended up on that street up shit creek."
"Well I thank you for that."
Mac chuckled. "You're welcome. It would have made it worse for everyone involved."
On the way to Michigan Wade stopped at a bar in Ohio or Indiana or Wisconsin and Mary and Wade were drunk and stumbled across the parking lot to a motel and Mary tried to give Wade a kiss. He rebuffed her and they slept on separate beds and woke up and continued their journey. "Why didn't you kiss me back," she asked. He didn't answer. "I know you wanted too. It wouldn't have meant anything out side the hear and the now at the time."
"I'm not going to Fuck my best friends girl after he sacrificed himself so we could get away."
"That's nobel. But you wanted too right."
"Of coarse I did."
"You should have as I said it wouldn't have meant anything."
Wade laughed. "In the here and the now at the time."
"The reason it wouldnt mean anythig is I love Mac."
"That's another reason not to have done it. Is there any beer left?"
She handed him a can. "Or a reason to have."
Mary sat in her house and wondered why she offered herself to Wade. It wasn't physical. She thought he was kind of attractive and a OK guy but that wasn't reason enough at the time. I was probably scared, she thought and poured a glass of wine. She had a few sort of boyfriends since she arrived in Phoenix but anytime she or the guy started getting serious she sabatoged the relationship. She needed a man sometimes and sometimes she didn't but in her own way remained loyal to Mac. Mac was the only guy she ever truly wanted or needed and somehow she knew that the moment he asked her if she wanted a beer.
Mac was shooting hoops. Washington walked up picked up the ball under the basket and tossed it to Mac. "You think you're Lary Bird?" Washington asked.
Mac laughed.
"So you were a Ranger?" Washington said.
Mac passed Washington the ball. Washington threw it back, Mac hit a high arching shot from the top of the key.
"Not bad for a white boy," Washington said.
"What do you want?" Mac said, received a pass and sunk another.
"I have a problem you might be able to help me with"
"I'm not interested."
"How you know that?"
Mac chuckled. "I'll take my chances," he said and walked to a bench and sat down. Washington followed him.
"So make your pitch."
Washington took a seat and told him about a snitch that arrived a couple days prior that he needed takin care of and that he had an endless supply of weed and that he would be able to arrange a monthly vist of a girl that he knew and he could also get him a room to spend a couple hours alone with her.
Mac laughed.
"So what say you brother?" Washington asked.
"I'm not your brother."
Washington grinned. "So you ain't."
"Give me the specs."
"The specs standin' there by the fence talkin' to the midget."
"Big kid."
"That a problem."
"Not really."
"Didn't think so. Besides he's a pussy."
Mac laughed. "Why don't you do it then?"
Washington smiled. "Cause I'm the head nigger in charge."
"You better fuckin' be."
Diane Lacy sat in a room and waited. She lit a cigarette and opened a magazine. A guard opened a door and a man walked into the room. He sat across from her and offered his hand to shake. "Mac," he said. She took his hand and said, "I'm Diane."
"How do you know Washington?" Mac asked.
"He's my cousin."
Diane stood, walked across the room, stopped beside a bed, dropped her cigarette on the floor and took off her blouse. "How do you know him?"
Mac lit a cigarette. Diane finished undressing and turned around. She completed a circle. "Do you like what you see?"
"I didn't think this through," Mac said.
Diane laid on the bed. "Didn't think what through?"
Mac stood, picked up a chair, walked across the room and sat beside the bed. "Are you a hooker?"
Diane laughed. "Why should I answer your questions when you don't answer mine?"
"I don't really know him. To be honest he used me. And I do like what I see."
Diane smiled. "It's not hard. I wasn't a hooker until five minutes ago." She giggled. "It's not so bad."
"Why are you doing it?"
"That's a good question. I wasn't asked. I was told, but I need the money anyway. And Richard told me your cool." Diane smiled. "So are you?"
Mac laughed. "So cool I'm ice cold."
"Why don't you let me thaw you out."
Mary was bored and lonely. She was sitting in a bar getting hit on by a cute but idiotic guy who bought her enough drinks to get drunk but she cut him off before she dropped her standards. But only just barley, she thought, walked outside, got in her car and saw a pay phone. She called Wade. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. What do you want?"
"I want you to vist me. Or let me vist you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Why are you such an asshole."
"I'll see you tomarrow."
"Really?"
"Why not."
Wade called Mary from the airport and asked for her address. She told him she would pick him up . He told her, he rented a car. She gave him her address but told him to meet her at a bar. The bar was on the corner of the street he would take a left on to get to her house anyway, she said. Wade drove around Phoenix for awhile to become aquanted with the city. The only thing he liked about travaling is seeing the places he travaled to and he always spent time looking for the character of it. He liked doing that alone. If you are with someone you get distracted. He took the freeway to the end of the city and about ten miles beyond. He stopped at a bar, had a beer and listened to a couple of fake cowboys talk about how fucked up the country is. He paid his bill and said, "if it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"What?" One of the fake cowboys said.
"If it's so bad why don't you do something about it."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up and go back where you came from." The other fake cowboy said.
"I just might," Wade said, left a five dollar bill under his empty bottle, walked outside and stared at a mountain that looked kind of like an Indians face.
"Hey asshole."
Wade turned around and grinned.
"You think you can just waltz in here insult us and go on your merry way."
"Yeah, I thought I could."
"Well you can't."
The fake cowboy took a swing, Wade ducked, kneed him in the balls and brought his elbow up into his nose. The fake cowboy fell hard on the pavement. His friend threw a wild punch Wade avoided and he repeated almost exactly what he'd done about five seconds before. "You rednecks had enough?" I shouldn't have done this. Although it's no skin off my teeth. Why am I in such a bad mood. I know why I'm in such a bad mood, Wade thought.
"What took you so long?" Mary said, ran up to Wade and gave him a kiss.
"I got lost."
"On purpose."
Wade kissed her again. I ain't going to fight it anymore, he thought.
"I'm already drunk."
"That's OK."
"Where did you get lost?"
"A place called New River."
"That place sucks."
"You been there?"
"Once. A friend of mine grew up there and I tagged along with her to a party. How did you end up there?"
"I'm was checking out the lay of the land. That's where the car took me."
"The car took you?"
"Yeah."
"Let's get out of here. I have everything at my house we need."
"Everything?"
"Everthing."
2.11.2017
Three Hundred Years
If I proceed at my present pace
In a hundred years I will be able to compose a song as complex, world weary and poetic as Tangled Up In Blue.
If human beings are still able to read in two hundred years I will write a novel that will not be embarrassed by The Sun Also Rises
And in three hundred years Shakespeare better keep the eyes in the back of his head wide open.
It's a good thing I have taken excellent care of myself.
In a hundred years I will be able to compose a song as complex, world weary and poetic as Tangled Up In Blue.
If human beings are still able to read in two hundred years I will write a novel that will not be embarrassed by The Sun Also Rises
And in three hundred years Shakespeare better keep the eyes in the back of his head wide open.
It's a good thing I have taken excellent care of myself.
JJ Cale Wrote Her Eric Clapton Made Her Iconic
Is the song Cocaine pro or con or a little of both like the subject itself.
Can't deny the good times however...
It's great in the morning with a little weed when you have a hangover or even if you don't or your going to a bar or... fill in the blank.
Especially if it's really good shit. It's always been pretty hard to argue with high quality cocaine.
On the other hand it's an expensive way to stupidly entertain yourself and it makes you talk too much too loud and too fast and grind your teeth and it orders you to look out the window constantly looking for something that isn't there and it... fill in the blank.
These days I turn cocaine down but I turn down damn near everything even cigarettes and truth be told that makes me feel old and for better or worse I look forward to the day I take up all my so called bad habits again.
If you want to hang out you got to take her out...
Can't deny the good times however...
It's great in the morning with a little weed when you have a hangover or even if you don't or your going to a bar or... fill in the blank.
Especially if it's really good shit. It's always been pretty hard to argue with high quality cocaine.
On the other hand it's an expensive way to stupidly entertain yourself and it makes you talk too much too loud and too fast and grind your teeth and it orders you to look out the window constantly looking for something that isn't there and it... fill in the blank.
These days I turn cocaine down but I turn down damn near everything even cigarettes and truth be told that makes me feel old and for better or worse I look forward to the day I take up all my so called bad habits again.
If you want to hang out you got to take her out...
1.25.2017
Water Under the Bridge
Teri sat at her kitchen table nursing a glass of wine, waiting for something she was almost certain would amount to nothing or at best not much. Her husband Jack was at work. He'd been working the graveyard shift the past few nights. She enjoyed not having him around at night. She looked out the window at her driveway, thought, I should have picked Clayton up, sighed. The phone rang. Jack asked about their kids. "They're fine," she said.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked.
None of your business, she thought.
"Having a glass of wine. Looking out the window," she said.
"At what?"
"The driveway."
"Jesus Christ."
"What time will you be home?"
"Two or three. I might get a couple beers after work."
I shouldn't be drinking, she thought, refilled her glass. I have classes tomorrow, I have to get the kids to school.
"See you when you get home," she said, hung up. Where is he, she thought.
Teri moved from the kitchen to the porch, watched the moon move subtly through a cloud over the house across the street. She saw Clayton walking about a minute before he arrived. She was both mad and happy also sad and relieved. At least he showed up, she thought. Clayton smiled, handed her a rose. "Thanks."
"I love you," he said.
"The moon is pretty tonight."
Clayton looked up. "Sure enough," he said, sat down beside her. "Would you like to share a beer?"
"Sure."
He pulled a can out of his jacket, opened it, handed it to her. They looked at the sky through the trees until the can was empty. "I'll take you home," Teri said.
"What about the kids?"
"They'll be alright. They're asleep. They won't even know I'm not here."
"What if they wake up?"
"They won't."
"How do you know that?"
"Cause they're my kids."
"I can walk."
"It's four miles. I'll go ask Martha to watch them."
Teri pulled over beside a river. "Can we share a cigarette?" Clayton lit one, handed it to her. The tape Hard Promises played softly. They could almost hear the water moving. "Where were you," Teri asked.
"The shit kicker dive on Victory Drive. It was Browns birthday. I wanted to come sooner." He tossed the cigarette. "I'm sorry."
"Jack works late tomorrow night."
"I'll be waiting on the corner and at your house five minutes after he leaves."
"Promise?"
"I do."
"Kiss me."
Clayton smiled. "I almost forgot." He pulled a joint out of his cigarette pack, handed it to her. "Smoke it latter if you get sad," he said,
When you cross the Chattahoochee River heading west out of Columbus you enter Phoenix City. When Patten was stationed at Fort Benning he lobbied to flatten Phoenix City with his tanks, according to legend. The Holiday Inn bar in Phoenix City stays open until five in the mourning, six Columbus time. At five - fifteen Phoenix City time Clayton, Rick, Jack and Wade stood on a bridge that separated cities, states and a time line about thirty feet above the water looking down. "I'm doing it," Rick said, took off his shirt, did a fine swan dive into pretty fast moving water they couldn't really see but heard. It almost looked like he dived into reverse sky or nothing. Clayton leaned over the railing. Wade laughed. "What a dumb shit," he said.
"Do you think he's dead?" Jack asked.
"Rick's a good swimmer," Clayton said.
"Rick's an idiot but he has balls," Wade said.
Clayton and Jack nodded.
"I better go look for him," Wade said, walked to the end of the bridge, disappeared.
Clayton lit a cigarette. "Do you have another one?" Jack asked. "Maryanne told me she saw Teri at the barracks tonight."
"What?" Clayton asked, handed Jack a smoke.
"Did you see Teri at the barracks tonight?"
"She gave me a ride."
Jack lit the cigarette, stared at Clayton for five seconds, took a drag, asked, "how did that come about?"
Clayton thought about his answer for as long as he could without drawing attention to the lie he was forced to tell without any advanced notice. "I stopped by your house. Rick told me you know where to get acid. I think it was Rick."
"He's right. Do you want a hit?"
"Yeah, of coarse I do."
"What did Teri do with the kids? Just leave them?"
"One of your neighbors watched them." Clayton looked over the railing.
"I'm surprised she didn't just leave them."
"She didn't."
"See anything?"
"I can't see shit."
"I found him," Wade yelled."
"Is he OK?" Jack yelled.
"No."
"Can you see them?" Clayton asked.
"I can't see anything."
"We're coming up!"
"No shit," Jack said, flicked his cigarette over the railing.
"Hey, who did you sell your M16 to?"
"Some nigger Brown knows."
Teri couldn't sleep. She drifted into the backyard, took a couple hits off the joint Clayton gave her, walked around the yard, went inside, turned on the TV, laid on the couch, took off her panties, masturbated. She thought about a guy who was three years ahead of her in high school. After a shower, she wondered, where is Jack, is Clayton thinking about me, do I have anything to make the kids for lunch?
Clayton stood behind a giant bush watching Teri's house. It was pretty cold. He'd been standing there about an hour. He thought this is kind of like being a spy, a narc or an asshole. He watched a bird fly from a tree to another tree. He glanced at his watch, wondered if he had the time Jack leaves for work wrong or is Jack running late or did he call in sick? He considered knocking on the door, thought better of it, sat on the grass but that made him colder. He decided to walk to a bar and have a beer when Jack walked out the door, got in a car that pulled up in front of the house. Two minutes latter he knocked on Teri's door. Teri opened the door. "You look cold."
Teri told Mike she had to do research at the library and arranged for Martha to watch the kids. "You need to walk away. I will pick you up down the road a little ways. Turn left at the stop sign," Teri said. They stopped at a grocery store, purchased a bottle of whiskey, bread, ham and potato chips. Clayton bought them a room in a cheep motel. Teri felt a little sleazy, that kind of turned her on. Clayton went to get a couple cans of Coke and ice. Teri made them each a sandwich, took off her cloths, laid on the bed. Clayton returned, smiled, fixed two drinks poured Coke in one, handed it to Teri. They ate, watched the Rockford Files. When they finished eating they made love. This wasn't their first time but it was different and almost felt like it was. They had time, not a abundance, but enough, that made a huge difference. After Clayton asked her what she wanted to do? "lay here with you."
"How much time do we have?"
"A couple hours."
Clayton made them another drink. The Rockford Files ended. They watched Cheers. Teri fell asleep. Clayton woke her an hour latter. They made love again. After, Teri dressed, kissed him, left.
Clayton walked to a bar, closed the place, staggered back to the room, laid down, couldn't sleep, drank the rest of the bottle of whiskey, threw the empty bottle at the TV. The bottle flew by the TV, hit the wall. He knew the night was the best it would ever be, that wasn't enough or more than enough, that made it worse.
Teri woke Jack, told him she needed to go to the grocery store, that she was also going to stop by the library. "You were there last night," Jack said.
"I have finals this week. I will be back as soon as I can. The kids are watching TV."
"You're a goddamn bitch," he said, rolled over.
"You look terrible," Teri said when Clayton opened the door.
Clayton smiled. "you look great."
Teri stepped over broken glass, looked at the broken glass, grinned, sat on the bed. "Get yourself together and I'll give you a ride to the base."
Clayton told Teri not to take him all the way to the barracks so she wouldn't be seen. She pulled over about a quarter mile short. They walked down a path in the woods. Clayton lit a cigarette, handed it to her. She took a few puffs, gave it back. "My semester ends on Thursday. We are leaving for Michigan on Saturday."
Clayton handed her the cigarette. A deer ran across the path about fifty yards in front of them. "You always knew I was going home. I have always hated this place."
"I get it."
They walked in silence deeper into the woods. It was pretty dark. The deer crossed the path behind them, like it was following them. "Say something," Teri said.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything. I do want you to say something."
"I wonder whats up with that deer."
Teri and Jack had a going away party on the night before they left. Jack asked Teri if she would come into their bedroom for a minute. "Close the door," Jack said. As soon as she did he broke her nose, shoved her on the bed, slapped her head. "You're a fucking whore. This isn't over," Jack said, left the room.
Clayton was in the backyard talking to Barry.
Jack walked across the yard, hit the back of Clayton's head with a shovel. Clayton staggered and fell. "I'm going to kill you you son of a bitch," Jack said, kicked Clayton's chest. Teri looked out the bedroom window. Rick and Kevin grabbed Jack, pulled him away from Clayton.
"Your going to kill him," Rick said.
"That's the fucking plan"
"You have him?" Barry asked.
"I got him," Rick said. "You need to cool it."
"Fuck you Rick. He's fucking Teri.
Barry knelt beside Clayton. "CJ you alright? He ain't moving man."
"Where's Teri?" Clayton asked.
"In the house, I think," Barry said.
"Do you have a smoke? I can't find mine."
Barry lit a cigarette, handed it to Clayton. "You should go to the hospital."
"I'm OK. Where's Jack?"
"Rick and Kevin took him to a bar. We should get out of here before they get back."
Clayton laughed, rubbed his ribs. "I have to talk to Teri."
"Make it quick. Jack says he's going to kill you."
Clayton smiled. "I'm not going to let him kill me."
"He almost just did."
"I didn't know he wanted to, now I do," Clayton said.
Teri was sitting on the couch holding a bag of ice on her nose. "Are you alright?" Clayton asked.
Teri half laughed, half cried.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Clayton said.
"What good will that do?"
"Let me see your nose."
Teri pulled the ice from her face.
Clayton drove Teri to the hospital in her car. A doctor in training put her nose in place and told her that it would probably not be noticeable in a month or so.
Clayton pulled into a gas station so Teri could call her house. Rick told her Jack and the kids were asleep and everyone was gone. "What are you going to do?" Clayton asked.
"What can I do? We're going home tomorrow. You act like I have a choice."
"You do."
"Do I? Are you OK?"
"What do you mean?"
"You were hit on the head with a shovel."
Clayton smiled. "It hurts a little. It will probably hurt more latter."
Teri leaned against him.
"What are you going to do when you get home?"
"I don't know. Stay with my brother until Jack finds a job. Finish school."
"You have to leave him."
"And go where?"
"Anywhere. Stay here."
"I hate here. It isn't all Jacks fault. We certainly contributed."
"None the less if he wasn't an asshole, none of it and I mean all of it wouldn't have happened.
"What wouldn't have happened? Tonight? It might have or something would have. Something always does. In away you and i were inevitable."
"You think so?"
"I do."
He appreciated her saying that.
Teri told Clayton to drive to the base, she would drive home from there.
"I can walk."
"I know you can tough guy."
Clayton parked the car in front of the barracks."I guess this is it."
"I wish it wasn't."
"Are you going to be OK tonight with Jack."
"He made his point."
Clayton asked her for a picture. She found one in her purse, gave it to him. "It's the only one I have on me."
She was standing next to a oak tree in a blue dress. Clayton looked at the picture. "You look pretty. You always look pretty. Thanks." He took out his wallet and put the picture in it, took all but twenty dollars out, handed it to Teri.
"I don't want your money."
"I don't want it either," Clayton said, walked into the barracks.
Teri watched him until he disappeared like a ghost, she thought.
Clayton thought she doesn't have a picture of me or maybe she does.
Teri stopped at the river, tried to hear it flow, couldn't, tried to cry, kind of laughed, found one of Clayton's cigarettes, lit it, got out of the car, walked down to the river where she could hear it head to Mexico. Is that where it's going? she thought, I'll miss him for awhile, or maybe the rest of my life. Getting through collage and taking care of my kids is what's important. Jack might be an asshole but he can help me. We have been through a lot. He knows me and can help me get rid of him ironically. I have to be patient. I wasn't, that's why I am standing here with a broken nose,smoking. She threw the butt in the river. I quit once I can do it again. Quit all the useless stuff I can't seem to stop doing. Never again, she thought, laughed, "yeah right," she said, walked up the hill. I'll be alright, not perfect, she thought, "goodby CJ." she said, got in her car, drove to her house, one more step, on the way home or so it seemed.
Clayton went to the day room. Norman was watching TV. "You OK?" Norman asked. "Barry told me what happened.
"Yeah, what you watching?"
"The Maltese Falcon."
"Any good?"
"It's great."
Clayton sort of stumbled, sat down.
"Are you sure you're OK?"
"I'm pretty good considering."
Clayton found two quarters in his pocket. "Hey Norman you mind getting me a beer from the machine?" He handed Norman the quarters, lit a cigarette. Norman walked across the room, purchased the beer, handed the can to Clayton. "Norman do you have fifty bucks you can spot me till payday?"
Norman handed him two twenties and a ten. "So the movies good," Clayton said, closed his eyes.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked.
None of your business, she thought.
"Having a glass of wine. Looking out the window," she said.
"At what?"
"The driveway."
"Jesus Christ."
"What time will you be home?"
"Two or three. I might get a couple beers after work."
I shouldn't be drinking, she thought, refilled her glass. I have classes tomorrow, I have to get the kids to school.
"See you when you get home," she said, hung up. Where is he, she thought.
Teri moved from the kitchen to the porch, watched the moon move subtly through a cloud over the house across the street. She saw Clayton walking about a minute before he arrived. She was both mad and happy also sad and relieved. At least he showed up, she thought. Clayton smiled, handed her a rose. "Thanks."
"I love you," he said.
"The moon is pretty tonight."
Clayton looked up. "Sure enough," he said, sat down beside her. "Would you like to share a beer?"
"Sure."
He pulled a can out of his jacket, opened it, handed it to her. They looked at the sky through the trees until the can was empty. "I'll take you home," Teri said.
"What about the kids?"
"They'll be alright. They're asleep. They won't even know I'm not here."
"What if they wake up?"
"They won't."
"How do you know that?"
"Cause they're my kids."
"I can walk."
"It's four miles. I'll go ask Martha to watch them."
Teri pulled over beside a river. "Can we share a cigarette?" Clayton lit one, handed it to her. The tape Hard Promises played softly. They could almost hear the water moving. "Where were you," Teri asked.
"The shit kicker dive on Victory Drive. It was Browns birthday. I wanted to come sooner." He tossed the cigarette. "I'm sorry."
"Jack works late tomorrow night."
"I'll be waiting on the corner and at your house five minutes after he leaves."
"Promise?"
"I do."
"Kiss me."
Clayton smiled. "I almost forgot." He pulled a joint out of his cigarette pack, handed it to her. "Smoke it latter if you get sad," he said,
When you cross the Chattahoochee River heading west out of Columbus you enter Phoenix City. When Patten was stationed at Fort Benning he lobbied to flatten Phoenix City with his tanks, according to legend. The Holiday Inn bar in Phoenix City stays open until five in the mourning, six Columbus time. At five - fifteen Phoenix City time Clayton, Rick, Jack and Wade stood on a bridge that separated cities, states and a time line about thirty feet above the water looking down. "I'm doing it," Rick said, took off his shirt, did a fine swan dive into pretty fast moving water they couldn't really see but heard. It almost looked like he dived into reverse sky or nothing. Clayton leaned over the railing. Wade laughed. "What a dumb shit," he said.
"Do you think he's dead?" Jack asked.
"Rick's a good swimmer," Clayton said.
"Rick's an idiot but he has balls," Wade said.
Clayton and Jack nodded.
"I better go look for him," Wade said, walked to the end of the bridge, disappeared.
Clayton lit a cigarette. "Do you have another one?" Jack asked. "Maryanne told me she saw Teri at the barracks tonight."
"What?" Clayton asked, handed Jack a smoke.
"Did you see Teri at the barracks tonight?"
"She gave me a ride."
Jack lit the cigarette, stared at Clayton for five seconds, took a drag, asked, "how did that come about?"
Clayton thought about his answer for as long as he could without drawing attention to the lie he was forced to tell without any advanced notice. "I stopped by your house. Rick told me you know where to get acid. I think it was Rick."
"He's right. Do you want a hit?"
"Yeah, of coarse I do."
"What did Teri do with the kids? Just leave them?"
"One of your neighbors watched them." Clayton looked over the railing.
"I'm surprised she didn't just leave them."
"She didn't."
"See anything?"
"I can't see shit."
"I found him," Wade yelled."
"Is he OK?" Jack yelled.
"No."
"Can you see them?" Clayton asked.
"I can't see anything."
"We're coming up!"
"No shit," Jack said, flicked his cigarette over the railing.
"Hey, who did you sell your M16 to?"
"Some nigger Brown knows."
Teri couldn't sleep. She drifted into the backyard, took a couple hits off the joint Clayton gave her, walked around the yard, went inside, turned on the TV, laid on the couch, took off her panties, masturbated. She thought about a guy who was three years ahead of her in high school. After a shower, she wondered, where is Jack, is Clayton thinking about me, do I have anything to make the kids for lunch?
Clayton stood behind a giant bush watching Teri's house. It was pretty cold. He'd been standing there about an hour. He thought this is kind of like being a spy, a narc or an asshole. He watched a bird fly from a tree to another tree. He glanced at his watch, wondered if he had the time Jack leaves for work wrong or is Jack running late or did he call in sick? He considered knocking on the door, thought better of it, sat on the grass but that made him colder. He decided to walk to a bar and have a beer when Jack walked out the door, got in a car that pulled up in front of the house. Two minutes latter he knocked on Teri's door. Teri opened the door. "You look cold."
Teri told Mike she had to do research at the library and arranged for Martha to watch the kids. "You need to walk away. I will pick you up down the road a little ways. Turn left at the stop sign," Teri said. They stopped at a grocery store, purchased a bottle of whiskey, bread, ham and potato chips. Clayton bought them a room in a cheep motel. Teri felt a little sleazy, that kind of turned her on. Clayton went to get a couple cans of Coke and ice. Teri made them each a sandwich, took off her cloths, laid on the bed. Clayton returned, smiled, fixed two drinks poured Coke in one, handed it to Teri. They ate, watched the Rockford Files. When they finished eating they made love. This wasn't their first time but it was different and almost felt like it was. They had time, not a abundance, but enough, that made a huge difference. After Clayton asked her what she wanted to do? "lay here with you."
"How much time do we have?"
"A couple hours."
Clayton made them another drink. The Rockford Files ended. They watched Cheers. Teri fell asleep. Clayton woke her an hour latter. They made love again. After, Teri dressed, kissed him, left.
Clayton walked to a bar, closed the place, staggered back to the room, laid down, couldn't sleep, drank the rest of the bottle of whiskey, threw the empty bottle at the TV. The bottle flew by the TV, hit the wall. He knew the night was the best it would ever be, that wasn't enough or more than enough, that made it worse.
Teri woke Jack, told him she needed to go to the grocery store, that she was also going to stop by the library. "You were there last night," Jack said.
"I have finals this week. I will be back as soon as I can. The kids are watching TV."
"You're a goddamn bitch," he said, rolled over.
"You look terrible," Teri said when Clayton opened the door.
Clayton smiled. "you look great."
Teri stepped over broken glass, looked at the broken glass, grinned, sat on the bed. "Get yourself together and I'll give you a ride to the base."
Clayton told Teri not to take him all the way to the barracks so she wouldn't be seen. She pulled over about a quarter mile short. They walked down a path in the woods. Clayton lit a cigarette, handed it to her. She took a few puffs, gave it back. "My semester ends on Thursday. We are leaving for Michigan on Saturday."
Clayton handed her the cigarette. A deer ran across the path about fifty yards in front of them. "You always knew I was going home. I have always hated this place."
"I get it."
They walked in silence deeper into the woods. It was pretty dark. The deer crossed the path behind them, like it was following them. "Say something," Teri said.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything. I do want you to say something."
"I wonder whats up with that deer."
Teri and Jack had a going away party on the night before they left. Jack asked Teri if she would come into their bedroom for a minute. "Close the door," Jack said. As soon as she did he broke her nose, shoved her on the bed, slapped her head. "You're a fucking whore. This isn't over," Jack said, left the room.
Clayton was in the backyard talking to Barry.
Jack walked across the yard, hit the back of Clayton's head with a shovel. Clayton staggered and fell. "I'm going to kill you you son of a bitch," Jack said, kicked Clayton's chest. Teri looked out the bedroom window. Rick and Kevin grabbed Jack, pulled him away from Clayton.
"Your going to kill him," Rick said.
"That's the fucking plan"
"You have him?" Barry asked.
"I got him," Rick said. "You need to cool it."
"Fuck you Rick. He's fucking Teri.
Barry knelt beside Clayton. "CJ you alright? He ain't moving man."
"Where's Teri?" Clayton asked.
"In the house, I think," Barry said.
"Do you have a smoke? I can't find mine."
Barry lit a cigarette, handed it to Clayton. "You should go to the hospital."
"I'm OK. Where's Jack?"
"Rick and Kevin took him to a bar. We should get out of here before they get back."
Clayton laughed, rubbed his ribs. "I have to talk to Teri."
"Make it quick. Jack says he's going to kill you."
Clayton smiled. "I'm not going to let him kill me."
"He almost just did."
"I didn't know he wanted to, now I do," Clayton said.
Teri was sitting on the couch holding a bag of ice on her nose. "Are you alright?" Clayton asked.
Teri half laughed, half cried.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Clayton said.
"What good will that do?"
"Let me see your nose."
Teri pulled the ice from her face.
Clayton drove Teri to the hospital in her car. A doctor in training put her nose in place and told her that it would probably not be noticeable in a month or so.
Clayton pulled into a gas station so Teri could call her house. Rick told her Jack and the kids were asleep and everyone was gone. "What are you going to do?" Clayton asked.
"What can I do? We're going home tomorrow. You act like I have a choice."
"You do."
"Do I? Are you OK?"
"What do you mean?"
"You were hit on the head with a shovel."
Clayton smiled. "It hurts a little. It will probably hurt more latter."
Teri leaned against him.
"What are you going to do when you get home?"
"I don't know. Stay with my brother until Jack finds a job. Finish school."
"You have to leave him."
"And go where?"
"Anywhere. Stay here."
"I hate here. It isn't all Jacks fault. We certainly contributed."
"None the less if he wasn't an asshole, none of it and I mean all of it wouldn't have happened.
"What wouldn't have happened? Tonight? It might have or something would have. Something always does. In away you and i were inevitable."
"You think so?"
"I do."
He appreciated her saying that.
Teri told Clayton to drive to the base, she would drive home from there.
"I can walk."
"I know you can tough guy."
Clayton parked the car in front of the barracks."I guess this is it."
"I wish it wasn't."
"Are you going to be OK tonight with Jack."
"He made his point."
Clayton asked her for a picture. She found one in her purse, gave it to him. "It's the only one I have on me."
She was standing next to a oak tree in a blue dress. Clayton looked at the picture. "You look pretty. You always look pretty. Thanks." He took out his wallet and put the picture in it, took all but twenty dollars out, handed it to Teri.
"I don't want your money."
"I don't want it either," Clayton said, walked into the barracks.
Teri watched him until he disappeared like a ghost, she thought.
Clayton thought she doesn't have a picture of me or maybe she does.
Teri stopped at the river, tried to hear it flow, couldn't, tried to cry, kind of laughed, found one of Clayton's cigarettes, lit it, got out of the car, walked down to the river where she could hear it head to Mexico. Is that where it's going? she thought, I'll miss him for awhile, or maybe the rest of my life. Getting through collage and taking care of my kids is what's important. Jack might be an asshole but he can help me. We have been through a lot. He knows me and can help me get rid of him ironically. I have to be patient. I wasn't, that's why I am standing here with a broken nose,smoking. She threw the butt in the river. I quit once I can do it again. Quit all the useless stuff I can't seem to stop doing. Never again, she thought, laughed, "yeah right," she said, walked up the hill. I'll be alright, not perfect, she thought, "goodby CJ." she said, got in her car, drove to her house, one more step, on the way home or so it seemed.
Clayton went to the day room. Norman was watching TV. "You OK?" Norman asked. "Barry told me what happened.
"Yeah, what you watching?"
"The Maltese Falcon."
"Any good?"
"It's great."
Clayton sort of stumbled, sat down.
"Are you sure you're OK?"
"I'm pretty good considering."
Clayton found two quarters in his pocket. "Hey Norman you mind getting me a beer from the machine?" He handed Norman the quarters, lit a cigarette. Norman walked across the room, purchased the beer, handed the can to Clayton. "Norman do you have fifty bucks you can spot me till payday?"
Norman handed him two twenties and a ten. "So the movies good," Clayton said, closed his eyes.
12.17.2016
God Bless
On the corner of Nineteenth Avenue and Indian School
I watched a whore flip a cigarette into oncoming traffic.
A silver SUV jumped the curb
ran over a bum holding a God Bless You sign.
I watched it happen
while I gassed up my cab
at three thirty AM.
It was tragic
and kind of funny at the same time.
More tragic
than funny
but watching the whore run down the ally
made me laugh.
I have to admit.
The police showed up,
the driver of the SUV looked scared
and kept pointing in the direction
the whore ran.
An ambulance loaded the bum and took off.
Another whore walked up to me and said whew.
I agreed.
Do you want some company? She asked.
I watched a whore flip a cigarette into oncoming traffic.
A silver SUV jumped the curb
ran over a bum holding a God Bless You sign.
I watched it happen
while I gassed up my cab
at three thirty AM.
It was tragic
and kind of funny at the same time.
More tragic
than funny
but watching the whore run down the ally
made me laugh.
I have to admit.
The police showed up,
the driver of the SUV looked scared
and kept pointing in the direction
the whore ran.
An ambulance loaded the bum and took off.
Another whore walked up to me and said whew.
I agreed.
Do you want some company? She asked.
12.11.2016
Chasing Ghosts Through the Biggest One Horse Town in the World
She was wearing a fur coat
Her tits were almost falling out of her shirt
I thought about asking her if she was cold
The guy she was traveling with handed me a five for a four ninety five ride
She looked at him like is that all you have
He told her he needed some ones
She told me to give her the five gave me a twenty
Asked for a ten
When she got out of the cab I noticed she had a great ass
Her tits were almost falling out of her shirt
I thought about asking her if she was cold
The guy she was traveling with handed me a five for a four ninety five ride
She looked at him like is that all you have
He told her he needed some ones
She told me to give her the five gave me a twenty
Asked for a ten
When she got out of the cab I noticed she had a great ass
12.08.2016
Acorns
We lived together a long time ago
Not under the same roof
We shared a hill creeks and woods and ponds and corn fields
Climbed trees rode bikes and sleds
Played kick the can capture the flag football and baseball and basketball
In each others yards and vacant lots
We all dreamed of glory none of us achieved
Nothing lasts or stays the same
Everyone goes their own way I went all the way to Arizona
The years run together
Gone before we knew it
I almost forgot Most of what happened
Everything mattered whether it did or not
The games we played defined us The friends we made were meaningless
No matter how much we needed them
They were replaceable
Not missed much
Barely remembered except the betrayals
The dogs the paths the forts Coffee cans full of acorns to throw
Not under the same roof
We shared a hill creeks and woods and ponds and corn fields
Climbed trees rode bikes and sleds
Played kick the can capture the flag football and baseball and basketball
In each others yards and vacant lots
We all dreamed of glory none of us achieved
Nothing lasts or stays the same
Everyone goes their own way I went all the way to Arizona
The years run together
Gone before we knew it
I almost forgot Most of what happened
Everything mattered whether it did or not
The games we played defined us The friends we made were meaningless
No matter how much we needed them
They were replaceable
Not missed much
Barely remembered except the betrayals
The dogs the paths the forts Coffee cans full of acorns to throw
12.02.2016
War Movies
I was making lists in my head
five best war movies
Black Hawk Down
We Were Soilders
Apocalypse Now
Platoon
Gardens of Stone
and that made me remember watching Apocalypse Now
with my buddies
at Waddle's house
he called himself Daddy D
he fancied himself a drill Sargeant
even though he was a mediorce soilder
he almost broke his leg trying to make a standing landing
when we hitched a ride on a special forces airplane
that was pretty funny
I wonder what he's up to
his wife was pretty and stupid
he dumped her
I bet he's married to a pig now
and supports Donald Trump
who is inching his way twoards the presidency
and that is as scary as it seems somehow inevitable
I hate it when people miss use words like Nazi
and protest stuff before they happen
however Trump does have more in coman with Hitler
than the presidents in the Black Hills
I love the Black Hills
I want to take my daughter up there this summer
and also to Wounded Knee
and Little Bighorn
I hear there's ghosts there and that you can almost here them
in the wind
Car Accident
One of the first friends I made in Arizona died in a car crash on a Friday night in the spring of 1977. His name was Pat and we shared a table in art class with a cheerful chubby Mexican kid. School was almost out for the summer and I thought that made it slightly more tragic. I remember sitting at the table on Monday morning and asking the Mexican kid (I don't remember his name) Where's Pat? He said, he died. I couldn't believe that so I probably said something stupid like are you sure? Miss Brown are teacher was crying. Pat was a nice kid and a fair artist so she had kind of taken him under her wing. How did he die? I came around to asking and the Mexican kid told me that it was a car accident. The car flipped, he said Pat was in the passenger seat and he was the only one that even got hurt, he added and sighed. Fuck, I said, were they drunk? I asked. He shrugged. It don't matter anyway, I said. Miss Brown came to our table and asked if we were alright. We said that we were although the Mexican kid said, don't expect much out of me today. She was a mess and I should have asked if she was OK. I didn't know Pat that well. I moved to Arizona in the middle of the school year so I hadn't known him long either. He liked getting high and drawing dragons. He loved rock and roll music. He had long blond hair. He was skinny. He made people feel comfortable. Kids shouldn't die when they are in high school. Art class for the rest of the year was pretty somber and that was inevitable. I haven't thought about this in over thirty years. If I hadn't thought about it tonight I wonder if I ever would have thought about it again.
.
11.30.2016
Loosley Tight
I drove past my old high school tonight and that made me think about the band Loosely Tight and to tell the truth I don't remember much about them but Loosely Tight is a great name for a rock and roll band and the next thing I know I'm standing in the desert with a plastic cup of beer listening to Toto wishing the pretty girls knew my name and all of a sudden I'm in the army before I know it I'm at the river with a plastic cup of beer listening to Night Ranger wondering how the hell I ended up standing here with a bunch of asshole Paratroopers yelling at civilians and than I'm standing in a bar nursing a bottle of beer listening to a bar band play Free Bird and thinking why do all the girls fall for this shit and why don't I play the guitar or at least the fucking piano and all of a sudden I'm standing on the side of a highway smoking a joint with my buddy Pete with my thumb out hoping I will get a ride before it gets dark because once it gets dark you ain't getting a ride and it's getting cold and it looks like it might rain and we are at least three rides from home and than I'm in an apartment high as a F 16 listening to Bob Dylan thinking this isn't so bad for the time being and all of a sudden I'm looking for a dead end job to replace the dead end job I lost in my sleep and than I'm sitting in a bar talking to a girl that isn't listening and all of a sudden I'm driving past my high school thinking about Loosely Tight again
11.29.2016
Pretty Elegant Song
In the tropics it's to humid
In the desert it's to hot
In the the arctic you freeze your toes off
In the Middle East you can get popped
I would follow you any of those places
Just to hear you smile
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough
I chased you across the ocean
Because you're the only one I can trust
I found you in a bar on the border
Staying on step ahead of the cops
You said slow down and have a drink with me
We proceed to have twelve for good luck
I couldn't walk to straight that night
But you taught me how to make love
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to here enough
You're like an island in the ocean
Where nothing ever goes wrong
You're like a star in the galaxy
The brightest I ever saw
Like Boots of Spanish Leather
And Leave a Tender Moment alone
When I look in your eyes
I hear all my favorite songs
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough
Is This Honolulu
I should have left this town a long time ago
I've been hanging around here far to long
I should have rode that ride all the way to Phoenix
I should have rode that ride all the way home
Are you a girl
Or is this an illusion
Am I in the desert
Or is this Honolulu
Am I drinking water
Or is this Whiskey
Did I ride a horse here
Or did I drive a car
I've spent many a night drinking in lonely bars
Looking for the answer to the question that is love
I thought that I found her at least a couple times
But I couldn't drag that stake out of my heart
Her eyes are as bright as the North Star
Her teeth are straighter than one hundred miles of train track
Her hairs as yellow as the sunshine
When she laughs she looks kind of like Sissy Spacek
I remember
I remember you
You're the girl I met In Phoenix City
I was playin' cards
In a hotel bar
You slid by
Whispered in my ear
It ain't rocket science
Soldier boy
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
You're the girl I met
Down in Baton Rouge
I was on shore leave
Drinking to forget
You waltzed in
And lit my cigarette
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
Your the girl I met In New York City
You were dating
I was contemplating
We both looked like
We'd have rather been
Anywhere but there
That night
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
In the desert it's to hot
In the the arctic you freeze your toes off
In the Middle East you can get popped
I would follow you any of those places
Just to hear you smile
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough
I chased you across the ocean
Because you're the only one I can trust
I found you in a bar on the border
Staying on step ahead of the cops
You said slow down and have a drink with me
We proceed to have twelve for good luck
I couldn't walk to straight that night
But you taught me how to make love
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to here enough
You're like an island in the ocean
Where nothing ever goes wrong
You're like a star in the galaxy
The brightest I ever saw
Like Boots of Spanish Leather
And Leave a Tender Moment alone
When I look in your eyes
I hear all my favorite songs
Like a pretty elegant song that I never get to hear enough
Is This Honolulu
I should have left this town a long time ago
I've been hanging around here far to long
I should have rode that ride all the way to Phoenix
I should have rode that ride all the way home
Are you a girl
Or is this an illusion
Am I in the desert
Or is this Honolulu
Am I drinking water
Or is this Whiskey
Did I ride a horse here
Or did I drive a car
I've spent many a night drinking in lonely bars
Looking for the answer to the question that is love
I thought that I found her at least a couple times
But I couldn't drag that stake out of my heart
Her eyes are as bright as the North Star
Her teeth are straighter than one hundred miles of train track
Her hairs as yellow as the sunshine
When she laughs she looks kind of like Sissy Spacek
I remember
I remember you
You're the girl I met In Phoenix City
I was playin' cards
In a hotel bar
You slid by
Whispered in my ear
It ain't rocket science
Soldier boy
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
You're the girl I met
Down in Baton Rouge
I was on shore leave
Drinking to forget
You waltzed in
And lit my cigarette
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
I remember you
Your the girl I met In New York City
You were dating
I was contemplating
We both looked like
We'd have rather been
Anywhere but there
That night
I would dance with you
Any old time
Any old time
I would dance with you
11.28.2016
Water Under the Bridge (first try)
Jack banged on my door. He had half a six pack, said he was broke and shouldn't have bought the beer because rent was due and he was a hundred short. That sucks, I said.
Do you have any money you could spot me? he asked.
Not really, I said.
He tossed me a beer. Teri is fucking Rick, he said.
How do you know that? I asked.
I saw them last night.
Are you sure?
Of coarse I'm sure. I kicked her ass this morning for it.
You shouldn't have done that.
Why not? She's a whore.
She's not a whore.
I think I know my wife better than you do. She's a whore, he said and threw an empty beer can in my trash. Can you at least replenish my beer stash?
I found two dollars in change and we went to the day room and bought four cans of Colt 45 out of the beer machine. You up for a ride? he asked.
Where?
To my house I think Rick is there right now. I want to catch them in the act.
What good will that do? What are you going to do if you're right?
I don't know, come on, let's go.
Jack drove past his house and parked about a quarter mile up the street. I'm going to the back you check the front and left side, Jack said.
You want me to look in the window and spy on them?
Yeah how else are we going to know what's going on.
I ain't doing that, I'll wait in the car.
Suit yourself.
What are you going to do if they are in there doing what you think they're doing?
I don't know.
If you barge in there Rick will kick Your ass.
Says you.
You don't want to fight Rick.
You don't know what I want to do.
That was true. I walked back to the car and waited. He returned about fifteen minutes latter and took me back to the barracks.
I'm not sure how or why Jack and I became friends. I was already semi infatuated with Teri who I met at a party. I saw her across the room. I was pretty high and drunk. I sat down beside her, asked how she knew all these asshole's and pointed in a circle. I'm married to Jack, she said.
Who's Jack? I asked.
She pointed at a guy I didn't know. Does he work at the shed? I asked. She nodded. He's a lucky SOB, I said. She laughed. A couple weeks before Jack showed up at my door, Rick, Teri, Joe and I were drinking at the house Jack and Teri were renting. She told me that she wasn't happy and that they were broke since Mike was kicked out of the Army for failing a piss test and that she wanted to go home to Michigan. They were raising two kids, Jack found a dead end job and was trying to make enough money to get them home. Your the only one I can talk to, she said to me. I thought that I was starting to make the impression I'd been trying so hard to make. So when Jack told me about Rick and her it threw me for a loop.
Rick knocked on my door and yelled I can smell that shit. I opened the door and quickly ushered him in my room.
You can smell that in the latrine and all the way down the hall.
We finished the bowl I was smoking. I loaded another. You are going to get busted if you keep smoking in here, Rick said.
Yeah probably, I agreed. It doesn't help when you stand in the hall yelling that you can smell it.
Nobodies here, everyone went to the river.
Why aren't you there?
I just got back I have to pick up a keg for Jacks party.
Can I catch a ride?
Do you have a costume?
Why would I?
It's a Halloween party I'm not taking you if you don't have one.
I'll figure something out.
I'm leaving in thirty minutes.
I found a leather suit jacket and a hat. A half hour latter Rick walked into my room wearing a baseball jersey and a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap.
What kind of costume is that? Rick asked.
I'm Mike Hammer, I said.
Who the hell is Mike Hammer?
He's a fictional private detective.
I'm Pete Rose.
Yeah, you look just like him.
You couldn't do any better than a private detective nobodies ever heard of?
I can be one you heard of if it makes you happier.
That's not the point.
You should rub some dirt on your jersey if you want to be more authentic.
What?
Forget it let's get out of here.
Do you have any change I need a beer for the road? Rick asked.
I gave it all to Brown this morning.
Brown is an asshole. I almost killed him at the river.
What did he do?
The same shit he always does.
Hey were you with Jack the other night?
Why do you ask?
Because he thinks Teri and I have something going and Teri says he was spying on her.
I was with him but I stayed in the car while he snooped around. Do you and Teri have anything going.
Not anymore. She's crazy.
Rick and I were the first people to arrive at the party. I saw Teri in the kitchen through a window while I helped Rick set up the keg in the backyard. She was wearing an Indian costume. When she saw me she waved, ran outside and kissed me. I have to talk to you latter, she said. I'll be here. I have to do something, she said and walked away. Jack walked up in a Dracula costume. I poured him a beer. How's it going? I asked. He laughed, shit, he said and walked in the house with Rick. I lit a cigarette and stood out there by myself until Brown and Hayden showed up. Brown had a cowboy hat and a squirt gun in his belt. Hayden was wearing his Army fatigues. I'm GI Joe, he said.
Brown laughed and said, it's funny cause his name is Joe.
We're pretty drunk, Hayden said.
We were at the river all day, Brown said.
Where is everyone? Hayden asked.
I'm not sure, I said.
This party blows, Brown said.
Who are you supposed to be? I asked.
John Wayne, Brown said.
I found a whiskey bottle under the sink and sat on the couch. Teri sat down next to me. I handed her the bottle, I owe you a bottle of whiskey, I said. Finally I get to talk to you, she said and took a pull of whiskey. Are you having fun? She asked. I laughed. I'm not either, she said. Let's take a ride. We drove to the river. I lit a cigarette. Can I have a puff, she asked. I handed her my cigarette and found a rock for her to sit on. Jack told me you were with him the night he spied on me and Rick.
I stayed in the car, I said, picked up a rock, threw it at a tree and missed.
He wants me to think he's going to kill me. I don't think he will. This cigarette taste so good, she said and handed it back to me.
Why does he want you to think that?
Cause he's crazy.
I don't think he's crazy. I think he's mad at the world.
He's mad alright.
I don't get it.
What don't you get?
He has everything. He has you. He has two cool kids. If I had you I would be happy.
She laughed. It not that simple CJ.
Yeah it is, I said, picked up a rock, hit the tree. Are you cold?
A little.
I gave her my jacket.
Now you will be cold.
I'm a paratrooper. Paratroopers are tough or supposed to be anyway.
Why don't you act like your friends?
I don't know. Maybe I should.
No you shouldn't. They're putting on an act.
I am too. It's just a different act.
It's a better one.
Maybe.
It is CJ.
I haven't seen Jack much tonight.
He and Rick bought some coke and they're holed up in the kids bedroom. They're in love. They aren't queer but they might as well be.
Is that why you hooked up with Rick?
Probably.
Was it worth it?
Of course it wasn't.
I found a nice sized rock and put it next to Teri and sat down.
Are you disappointed in me? She asked.
I was. No, I said. I get it.
Do you want to kiss me?
Since the day I met you.
It took me awhile to get here.
When we returned to the house almost everyone was gone. Rick and Jack were standing outside. Where did you two go? Jack asked.
CJ wanted some whiskey, Teri said.
There's a bottle under the sink, Jack said.
I found that and drank it with Brown and Hayden, I said. I wanted to replace it.
I handed Jack a bottle of Jack Daniels. He opened it and took a hit and handed it to Rick. It took you long enough, Jack said. Rick offered me the bottle I declined. I went inside the house and into the kids room. Rick was pretty high, I figured he wasn't ready to leave so I thought I'd lay down for awhile. You were gone an hour and a half, Jack yelled.
And where have you been all night? Teri asked.
You know full well where I was and it's none of your business.
I listened to Jack and Teri fight until they stopped and almost fell asleep. Teri entered the room. She was crying. Are you alright? I asked. She kind of laughed. No, she said.
It will be alright, I said. I didn't believe it.
No it won't and you know it won't. I would like to lay on the bed with you.
That's not a good idea.
Who cares. Why isn't it a good idea?
You know why it isn't.
CJ I'm leaving in five minutes, Rick yelled.
Don't leave, Teri said.
I have to.
You can sleep here. Jack or I can give you a ride in the morning.
Are you going to be alright?
What do you mean?
Are you safe here with Jack.
Do you care?
Of coarse I care.
Than why are you leaving?
That was reasonable question.
I had guard duty a couple nights after the party and had the next day off. I hitch hiked to Jack and Teri's house. I knew that Jack would be at work and the kids would be at school. She wasn't home. I sat on the porch and waited for a couple hours. When she drove up I walked to the car, she smiled, and laughed. I had a feeling you would be here, she said.
How could you know that? I asked and helped her bring in some groceries. She put the groceries away. We went to bed. I noticed she had a scar on her side. I asked her about the scar. She seemed kind of offended. They are stretch marks she said and placed me inside her. I never wanted to be outside of her again. Teri had to pick up her kids. I smoked a joint in the backyard. I finished the joint and lit a cigarette. Jack showed up, what are you doing here? He asked.
I had the day off and I'm off for the rest of the week and I didn't want to hang out at the barracks all weekend, I said.
I'm glade you're here, I'm getting some acid tonight. Do you want me to pick you up a tab? Mike asked.
I'll take one.
Can you front me some cash? I need it to score the acid.
Good thing I am here, I said. Jack laughed, can I have a cigarette.
How much cash you need?
Thirty. I handed him a cigarette and two twenties.
Jack and I were sitting on his porch tripping and smoking. Teri was making pancakes. I was staring at a house surrounded by trees. The house looked like a painting I could walk into and disappear and that was tempting. That house across the street looks like a painting I could walk into and become a part of, I'm considering it,I said.
That's dangerous, Jack said. That's how you get in trouble, he added.
I'm already in trouble, I said or thought. Teri opened the door and told us the pancakes were ready. Her two kids were sitting in the kitchen eating. I'm not hungry, I said and went into the backyard. Two cats were roaming around, they turned into tigers although I knew they were just cats. I laid on the grass, one of the cats growled. Teri appeared and laid down beside me. Those cats look like tigers, I said.
They do not, Teri said and laughed.
Where's Jack? I asked.
Putting the kids to bed.
Did you hear that?
I heard something, she said.
Teri and I were folding clothes in a laundromat. She was going to drop me off at the base on her way home. It felt like the end of something. I put the clothes in the back seat of her car. It was raining. She got in the car, handed me a piece of paper. It was something she ripped out of a magazine. I thought of you when I read it, she said. It was something Tennessee Williams wrote. I read it. That's pretty good, I said, folded it and put it in my wallet. I carried it around for years.
Jack and I took his son Melvin to a creek after we watched the Ohio State Michigan game. Melvin was wadding, we were standing under a bridge watching him and smoking. He asked if I was sleeping with Teri. I told him I wasn't. He said, every one thinks I'm a fool. They say you and Teri are having an affair.
You're not a fool, I said. I guess he believed me.
Jackson banged on my door and told me a girl was waiting for me at the CQ desk. She's good looking, he said. Teri and I took a walk in the woods. I can't stay long, she said. A deer crossed the path we were walking. The deer stopped and stared at us for a few seconds and ran away. We're leaving Saturday morning, Teri said. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Don't you have anything to say? Teri asked.
I wonder where that deer is going, I said. It better be careful around here.
Are you OK? Teri asked.
I'm great, I said. We both knew I wasn't. I lit a cigarette and handed it to Teri. She took a drag and gave it back.
I have to go home, she said. We made a U turn. Jacks having a party on Friday night, Teri said. I was trying to maintain my bearings. I had to find true north. Will you come? Teri asked.
It will be my last chance to see you. I have no choice.
We walked in silence for a long time. I don't know what she was thinking about. I thought about the deer, the river, a tree in her backyard, Jack taking her home to Ohio. There wasn't anything I could do about it and whether I really wanted to was beside the point.
Say something CJ.
There is nothing to say that wouldn't make me sound pathetic.
We arrived at her car. She kissed me and drove away. I watched her car disappear and went to my room. I had nowhere to go or anything to do.
Jack handed me a bottle of whiskey. I took a slug and gave it back. We were in his backyard. I lit a cigarette and gave Jack one. What are you going to do when you get to Michigan? I asked.
Stay with Teri's brother until I find a job and a place to stay we can afford. Teri is so mad at me about this Army debacle. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. It's all my fault.
She will forgive you, I bet.
Jack handed me the bottle. You really think so? he asked.
It's in her best interests to forgive you. She needs you.
You really think so?
I do.
I hope your right cause I need her more than I ever even knew.
I always knew you needed her, I said took a swig of whiskey, tossed my cigarette and walked into the house. Where you going? Jack yelled.
I don't know, I said, Jack couldn't hear. Where's Jack? Rick asked.
In the backyard.
Teri's looking for you, Rick said.
I found her in the driveway saying goodbye to Ian and Tracy. We're out of beer, she said I'm going to get some. Come with me. After I purchased the beer we sat in the car. I asked her for a picture. She handed me a picture of her standing under a tree in a blue dress, she pulled out of her wallet. It's the only one I have, she said. I stared at the picture.
You look pretty, I said. Thanks.
I wish I had a better picture, she said.
It's fine, I said and it was.
This is awful, she said.
Yeah it is, I agreed. I wish you could come with us.
I laughed. I wish we could start over or at least go back in time but that's impossible. I wish I could snap my fingers and make your problems disappear. I wish we could drive this car into a new reality that would change everything except how we feel about each other right now. I wish tonight wasn't the last time I'll ever see you but it is.
We'll see each other again.
You think so?
I do.
Maybe we will. I sure hope so.
Teri called me about a week after she left, told me it was snowing and the day before she was walking to the mailbox and found a half a pack of my cigarettes in the pocket of a jacket I left at her house and that made her happy and sad. She said that Jack was looking for a job and was not having any luck and that he was drinking a lot. I told her that I missed her and to hang tough and that things will work out. She wanted me to write her a letter. I thought it was to dangerous but she said that she always picked up the mail. She pretty much insisted and I wanted to stay connected so I wrote the letter. I never heard back. I always thought something bad happened and it probably did. That's a story Teri would have to tell and it might be better left unsaid. I never saw or heard from her again. I don't know if she thought about me or this story much over the many years that have passed. Maybe she has thought about me fondly and wished that we could have met up and reconnected or maybe she thought less and less about me until I disappeared from her thoughts and her memory as well.
Do you have any money you could spot me? he asked.
Not really, I said.
He tossed me a beer. Teri is fucking Rick, he said.
How do you know that? I asked.
I saw them last night.
Are you sure?
Of coarse I'm sure. I kicked her ass this morning for it.
You shouldn't have done that.
Why not? She's a whore.
She's not a whore.
I think I know my wife better than you do. She's a whore, he said and threw an empty beer can in my trash. Can you at least replenish my beer stash?
I found two dollars in change and we went to the day room and bought four cans of Colt 45 out of the beer machine. You up for a ride? he asked.
Where?
To my house I think Rick is there right now. I want to catch them in the act.
What good will that do? What are you going to do if you're right?
I don't know, come on, let's go.
Jack drove past his house and parked about a quarter mile up the street. I'm going to the back you check the front and left side, Jack said.
You want me to look in the window and spy on them?
Yeah how else are we going to know what's going on.
I ain't doing that, I'll wait in the car.
Suit yourself.
What are you going to do if they are in there doing what you think they're doing?
I don't know.
If you barge in there Rick will kick Your ass.
Says you.
You don't want to fight Rick.
You don't know what I want to do.
That was true. I walked back to the car and waited. He returned about fifteen minutes latter and took me back to the barracks.
I'm not sure how or why Jack and I became friends. I was already semi infatuated with Teri who I met at a party. I saw her across the room. I was pretty high and drunk. I sat down beside her, asked how she knew all these asshole's and pointed in a circle. I'm married to Jack, she said.
Who's Jack? I asked.
She pointed at a guy I didn't know. Does he work at the shed? I asked. She nodded. He's a lucky SOB, I said. She laughed. A couple weeks before Jack showed up at my door, Rick, Teri, Joe and I were drinking at the house Jack and Teri were renting. She told me that she wasn't happy and that they were broke since Mike was kicked out of the Army for failing a piss test and that she wanted to go home to Michigan. They were raising two kids, Jack found a dead end job and was trying to make enough money to get them home. Your the only one I can talk to, she said to me. I thought that I was starting to make the impression I'd been trying so hard to make. So when Jack told me about Rick and her it threw me for a loop.
Rick knocked on my door and yelled I can smell that shit. I opened the door and quickly ushered him in my room.
You can smell that in the latrine and all the way down the hall.
We finished the bowl I was smoking. I loaded another. You are going to get busted if you keep smoking in here, Rick said.
Yeah probably, I agreed. It doesn't help when you stand in the hall yelling that you can smell it.
Nobodies here, everyone went to the river.
Why aren't you there?
I just got back I have to pick up a keg for Jacks party.
Can I catch a ride?
Do you have a costume?
Why would I?
It's a Halloween party I'm not taking you if you don't have one.
I'll figure something out.
I'm leaving in thirty minutes.
I found a leather suit jacket and a hat. A half hour latter Rick walked into my room wearing a baseball jersey and a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap.
What kind of costume is that? Rick asked.
I'm Mike Hammer, I said.
Who the hell is Mike Hammer?
He's a fictional private detective.
I'm Pete Rose.
Yeah, you look just like him.
You couldn't do any better than a private detective nobodies ever heard of?
I can be one you heard of if it makes you happier.
That's not the point.
You should rub some dirt on your jersey if you want to be more authentic.
What?
Forget it let's get out of here.
Do you have any change I need a beer for the road? Rick asked.
I gave it all to Brown this morning.
Brown is an asshole. I almost killed him at the river.
What did he do?
The same shit he always does.
Hey were you with Jack the other night?
Why do you ask?
Because he thinks Teri and I have something going and Teri says he was spying on her.
I was with him but I stayed in the car while he snooped around. Do you and Teri have anything going.
Not anymore. She's crazy.
Rick and I were the first people to arrive at the party. I saw Teri in the kitchen through a window while I helped Rick set up the keg in the backyard. She was wearing an Indian costume. When she saw me she waved, ran outside and kissed me. I have to talk to you latter, she said. I'll be here. I have to do something, she said and walked away. Jack walked up in a Dracula costume. I poured him a beer. How's it going? I asked. He laughed, shit, he said and walked in the house with Rick. I lit a cigarette and stood out there by myself until Brown and Hayden showed up. Brown had a cowboy hat and a squirt gun in his belt. Hayden was wearing his Army fatigues. I'm GI Joe, he said.
Brown laughed and said, it's funny cause his name is Joe.
We're pretty drunk, Hayden said.
We were at the river all day, Brown said.
Where is everyone? Hayden asked.
I'm not sure, I said.
This party blows, Brown said.
Who are you supposed to be? I asked.
John Wayne, Brown said.
I found a whiskey bottle under the sink and sat on the couch. Teri sat down next to me. I handed her the bottle, I owe you a bottle of whiskey, I said. Finally I get to talk to you, she said and took a pull of whiskey. Are you having fun? She asked. I laughed. I'm not either, she said. Let's take a ride. We drove to the river. I lit a cigarette. Can I have a puff, she asked. I handed her my cigarette and found a rock for her to sit on. Jack told me you were with him the night he spied on me and Rick.
I stayed in the car, I said, picked up a rock, threw it at a tree and missed.
He wants me to think he's going to kill me. I don't think he will. This cigarette taste so good, she said and handed it back to me.
Why does he want you to think that?
Cause he's crazy.
I don't think he's crazy. I think he's mad at the world.
He's mad alright.
I don't get it.
What don't you get?
He has everything. He has you. He has two cool kids. If I had you I would be happy.
She laughed. It not that simple CJ.
Yeah it is, I said, picked up a rock, hit the tree. Are you cold?
A little.
I gave her my jacket.
Now you will be cold.
I'm a paratrooper. Paratroopers are tough or supposed to be anyway.
Why don't you act like your friends?
I don't know. Maybe I should.
No you shouldn't. They're putting on an act.
I am too. It's just a different act.
It's a better one.
Maybe.
It is CJ.
I haven't seen Jack much tonight.
He and Rick bought some coke and they're holed up in the kids bedroom. They're in love. They aren't queer but they might as well be.
Is that why you hooked up with Rick?
Probably.
Was it worth it?
Of course it wasn't.
I found a nice sized rock and put it next to Teri and sat down.
Are you disappointed in me? She asked.
I was. No, I said. I get it.
Do you want to kiss me?
Since the day I met you.
It took me awhile to get here.
When we returned to the house almost everyone was gone. Rick and Jack were standing outside. Where did you two go? Jack asked.
CJ wanted some whiskey, Teri said.
There's a bottle under the sink, Jack said.
I found that and drank it with Brown and Hayden, I said. I wanted to replace it.
I handed Jack a bottle of Jack Daniels. He opened it and took a hit and handed it to Rick. It took you long enough, Jack said. Rick offered me the bottle I declined. I went inside the house and into the kids room. Rick was pretty high, I figured he wasn't ready to leave so I thought I'd lay down for awhile. You were gone an hour and a half, Jack yelled.
And where have you been all night? Teri asked.
You know full well where I was and it's none of your business.
I listened to Jack and Teri fight until they stopped and almost fell asleep. Teri entered the room. She was crying. Are you alright? I asked. She kind of laughed. No, she said.
It will be alright, I said. I didn't believe it.
No it won't and you know it won't. I would like to lay on the bed with you.
That's not a good idea.
Who cares. Why isn't it a good idea?
You know why it isn't.
CJ I'm leaving in five minutes, Rick yelled.
Don't leave, Teri said.
I have to.
You can sleep here. Jack or I can give you a ride in the morning.
Are you going to be alright?
What do you mean?
Are you safe here with Jack.
Do you care?
Of coarse I care.
Than why are you leaving?
That was reasonable question.
I had guard duty a couple nights after the party and had the next day off. I hitch hiked to Jack and Teri's house. I knew that Jack would be at work and the kids would be at school. She wasn't home. I sat on the porch and waited for a couple hours. When she drove up I walked to the car, she smiled, and laughed. I had a feeling you would be here, she said.
How could you know that? I asked and helped her bring in some groceries. She put the groceries away. We went to bed. I noticed she had a scar on her side. I asked her about the scar. She seemed kind of offended. They are stretch marks she said and placed me inside her. I never wanted to be outside of her again. Teri had to pick up her kids. I smoked a joint in the backyard. I finished the joint and lit a cigarette. Jack showed up, what are you doing here? He asked.
I had the day off and I'm off for the rest of the week and I didn't want to hang out at the barracks all weekend, I said.
I'm glade you're here, I'm getting some acid tonight. Do you want me to pick you up a tab? Mike asked.
I'll take one.
Can you front me some cash? I need it to score the acid.
Good thing I am here, I said. Jack laughed, can I have a cigarette.
How much cash you need?
Thirty. I handed him a cigarette and two twenties.
Jack and I were sitting on his porch tripping and smoking. Teri was making pancakes. I was staring at a house surrounded by trees. The house looked like a painting I could walk into and disappear and that was tempting. That house across the street looks like a painting I could walk into and become a part of, I'm considering it,I said.
That's dangerous, Jack said. That's how you get in trouble, he added.
I'm already in trouble, I said or thought. Teri opened the door and told us the pancakes were ready. Her two kids were sitting in the kitchen eating. I'm not hungry, I said and went into the backyard. Two cats were roaming around, they turned into tigers although I knew they were just cats. I laid on the grass, one of the cats growled. Teri appeared and laid down beside me. Those cats look like tigers, I said.
They do not, Teri said and laughed.
Where's Jack? I asked.
Putting the kids to bed.
Did you hear that?
I heard something, she said.
Teri and I were folding clothes in a laundromat. She was going to drop me off at the base on her way home. It felt like the end of something. I put the clothes in the back seat of her car. It was raining. She got in the car, handed me a piece of paper. It was something she ripped out of a magazine. I thought of you when I read it, she said. It was something Tennessee Williams wrote. I read it. That's pretty good, I said, folded it and put it in my wallet. I carried it around for years.
Jack and I took his son Melvin to a creek after we watched the Ohio State Michigan game. Melvin was wadding, we were standing under a bridge watching him and smoking. He asked if I was sleeping with Teri. I told him I wasn't. He said, every one thinks I'm a fool. They say you and Teri are having an affair.
You're not a fool, I said. I guess he believed me.
Jackson banged on my door and told me a girl was waiting for me at the CQ desk. She's good looking, he said. Teri and I took a walk in the woods. I can't stay long, she said. A deer crossed the path we were walking. The deer stopped and stared at us for a few seconds and ran away. We're leaving Saturday morning, Teri said. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Don't you have anything to say? Teri asked.
I wonder where that deer is going, I said. It better be careful around here.
Are you OK? Teri asked.
I'm great, I said. We both knew I wasn't. I lit a cigarette and handed it to Teri. She took a drag and gave it back.
I have to go home, she said. We made a U turn. Jacks having a party on Friday night, Teri said. I was trying to maintain my bearings. I had to find true north. Will you come? Teri asked.
It will be my last chance to see you. I have no choice.
We walked in silence for a long time. I don't know what she was thinking about. I thought about the deer, the river, a tree in her backyard, Jack taking her home to Ohio. There wasn't anything I could do about it and whether I really wanted to was beside the point.
Say something CJ.
There is nothing to say that wouldn't make me sound pathetic.
We arrived at her car. She kissed me and drove away. I watched her car disappear and went to my room. I had nowhere to go or anything to do.
Jack handed me a bottle of whiskey. I took a slug and gave it back. We were in his backyard. I lit a cigarette and gave Jack one. What are you going to do when you get to Michigan? I asked.
Stay with Teri's brother until I find a job and a place to stay we can afford. Teri is so mad at me about this Army debacle. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. It's all my fault.
She will forgive you, I bet.
Jack handed me the bottle. You really think so? he asked.
It's in her best interests to forgive you. She needs you.
You really think so?
I do.
I hope your right cause I need her more than I ever even knew.
I always knew you needed her, I said took a swig of whiskey, tossed my cigarette and walked into the house. Where you going? Jack yelled.
I don't know, I said, Jack couldn't hear. Where's Jack? Rick asked.
In the backyard.
Teri's looking for you, Rick said.
I found her in the driveway saying goodbye to Ian and Tracy. We're out of beer, she said I'm going to get some. Come with me. After I purchased the beer we sat in the car. I asked her for a picture. She handed me a picture of her standing under a tree in a blue dress, she pulled out of her wallet. It's the only one I have, she said. I stared at the picture.
You look pretty, I said. Thanks.
I wish I had a better picture, she said.
It's fine, I said and it was.
This is awful, she said.
Yeah it is, I agreed. I wish you could come with us.
I laughed. I wish we could start over or at least go back in time but that's impossible. I wish I could snap my fingers and make your problems disappear. I wish we could drive this car into a new reality that would change everything except how we feel about each other right now. I wish tonight wasn't the last time I'll ever see you but it is.
We'll see each other again.
You think so?
I do.
Maybe we will. I sure hope so.
Teri called me about a week after she left, told me it was snowing and the day before she was walking to the mailbox and found a half a pack of my cigarettes in the pocket of a jacket I left at her house and that made her happy and sad. She said that Jack was looking for a job and was not having any luck and that he was drinking a lot. I told her that I missed her and to hang tough and that things will work out. She wanted me to write her a letter. I thought it was to dangerous but she said that she always picked up the mail. She pretty much insisted and I wanted to stay connected so I wrote the letter. I never heard back. I always thought something bad happened and it probably did. That's a story Teri would have to tell and it might be better left unsaid. I never saw or heard from her again. I don't know if she thought about me or this story much over the many years that have passed. Maybe she has thought about me fondly and wished that we could have met up and reconnected or maybe she thought less and less about me until I disappeared from her thoughts and her memory as well.
11.12.2016
11.11.2016
10.29.2016
Don't Call Me Dana Delany
I picked up a girl
Wearing a pink hat and a camouflage dress
She told me that she wanted to go to a Halloween
Party
I asked her where is the party
She said just take me to a bar I just broke up with my ex and I want to cut loose
I said that should be easy
She said I am not easy
I said I didn't say you are easy I said cutting loose should be
She said don't call me Dana Delany
I said I love Dana Delany
She said everyone does do you have any water
I said I do not have any water would you like to stop and get a bottle
She said I would
My mouth is dry
I said there's a 7 - 11 on Fourth and Thomas
She asked how old are you
I said old as the hills
She said you don't look old
You look good
Better than a hill
I laughed and said what about a hill in Hawaii
I pulled into the parking lot of the 7 - 11
I asked where did you get your dress
She said Ross it coast ten dollars does it look OK
I said it does
She bought me a pretty big bottle of water
I took her to the Dilly Dally
She handed me twenty dollars
I smiled and said good luck Dana
She asked do I look OK.
I said you look great
Be cool
She said I can't be cool I'm an accountant
I said well I'll see you around
She said I hope so Eric
I wondered how she knew my name
I don't think I told her I thought maybe she's psychic
I hope she had a nice time at the bar
She's a nice lady
No Dana Delany
That's a tall order
Wearing a pink hat and a camouflage dress
She told me that she wanted to go to a Halloween
Party
I asked her where is the party
She said just take me to a bar I just broke up with my ex and I want to cut loose
I said that should be easy
She said I am not easy
I said I didn't say you are easy I said cutting loose should be
She said don't call me Dana Delany
I said I love Dana Delany
She said everyone does do you have any water
I said I do not have any water would you like to stop and get a bottle
She said I would
My mouth is dry
I said there's a 7 - 11 on Fourth and Thomas
She asked how old are you
I said old as the hills
She said you don't look old
You look good
Better than a hill
I laughed and said what about a hill in Hawaii
I pulled into the parking lot of the 7 - 11
I asked where did you get your dress
She said Ross it coast ten dollars does it look OK
I said it does
She bought me a pretty big bottle of water
I took her to the Dilly Dally
She handed me twenty dollars
I smiled and said good luck Dana
She asked do I look OK.
I said you look great
Be cool
She said I can't be cool I'm an accountant
I said well I'll see you around
She said I hope so Eric
I wondered how she knew my name
I don't think I told her I thought maybe she's psychic
I hope she had a nice time at the bar
She's a nice lady
No Dana Delany
That's a tall order
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